


Obsessions

by Lazarus76



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eating Disorders, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 20:50:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 23,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6581620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lazarus76/pseuds/Lazarus76
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux has a dangerous secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Hux is a secretive man. You've always known that. He is prone to thinking, ruminating, and keeping things to himself. When he first made the tentative steps to asking you for a date, you had to pry it out of him. 

"I'd love to," you responded. And after that, you started spending more time together. After you nearly tipped half your latte down him in Starbucks. He was glaring at his iPad, and not watching where he was going. 

Eight months later, you're living together. Its a good arrangement. You work long hours at your job, teaching in a High School. He works almost longer hours, running the First Order, a multi million technology company. As CEO, he's always in demand. 

But you've learned to live with it. And there is the compensation of knowing that he's yours when he comes home, and definitely yours when he's lying next to you at night. 

But lately, he seems pre-occupied. You notice that he doesn't seem especially keen to talk sometimes, and also, oddly, not especially keen to eat. 

You like to cook. In fact, that's one thing that he joked he was attracted to from the start. "I'm with someone who can actually take care of my nutritional needs," he comments as you cook. 

"You should eat more," is your response, half serious. "You're too thin."

And he is. Tall, and very wiry, he doesn't have the broad frame of his Vice President, and friend, Ren. You look at him at times and wonder how his organs fit into his narrow torso. But this comment always elicits a response. "Fattening me up?" he'll retort.

Not intentionally, you think. But he could do with some flesh. Meat on his bones, as your colleague Rey would say. And its a jokey rapport that he seems to enjoy. 

But lately, he's been coming home later, and later. And the meals you're cooking are being halved, and the half for him is being left to go cold. After four nights of this, you confront him. 

You're in the lounge, stretched out, tapping something on your tablet. He comes in, his black trenchcoat flaring, leans down, and kisses you. "Hello."

"Well," you reply. "Your lasagne is in the kitchen."

A slight grimace seems to flicker across his face. "I ate earlier," he shrugs. "Ren and I ordered pizza."

You frown slightly. Its not the fact he's eaten - its the fact he didn't tell you. "Oh," is your response. After that, you choose not to push the subject, but let him go for a shower. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

That night, you're running your hands over his chest, and blink. His ribs have always been noticeable, but they seem more so. You feel you should say something. "Hux?"

"Mmm?"

"You've lost weight."

"Oh, I've been doing a little more in the gym. We have one on site, so I've been going in my lunch break."

You swallow. "I should go more."

"You go enough." His hands are on your waist, and he's pulling you close. "And if you lose this wonderful shape of yours - your waist and curves - I'll burn your membership."

You blink. He's always loved your curves, but he's also got rather possessive lately. You went to a work function with him last week, and he was positively glaring at the men who glanced at you in your black dress. "Yes, my girlfriend has a cleavage and hips to die for, please look away," he was grumbling. 

"Well, you go enough," you say, boldly, suddenly realising his hip bones are there. 

"I can always be more toned," he mutters. And as if to bury the comment, his lips are suddenly on your neck. 

++++++++++++++++++++++

You don't want to talk to anyone at work about this. Rey, Finn, Poe - your department - are all lovely people, but they dislike Hux. "Too cold," Rey comments. "Too controlling," Finn sniffs. "Too humourless," is Poe's view. 

Its hard living with someone your colleagues dislike. Especially when Rey gets a new post - both you and Principal Organa are pleased on the surface, devastated inside - and suggest a leaving dinner. 

Hux has to attend, you reason. You're the Head of Department, and you want him there. So he turns up, immaculate in a black suit, with a black shirt. Which sets off his pale skin and red hair perfectly. 

The meal is good. Rey insisted that you all go to an Italian, and you can't resist the creamy pasta yourself. But you notice that Hux is picking at his Canneloni, and frowning. "You all right?"

"Fine. Its just a bit - rich," he comments, after shoving a forkful in. After he's cleared his plate, he excuses himself. 

He's gone for a while. After twenty minutes, he returns. No one comments on it, but you notice that his eyes are bloodshot, and there is a slightly acidic odour. You reach for his hand, but to your chagrin, he pulls away. You look at the table, hoping your friends have not noticed your embarrassment. 

But one has noticed. And he's looking at Hux - and you - with concern. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Sitting in a coffee shop on a dull Saturday afternoon, you sigh, take a sip of your latte, and look at your book. Suddenly, you look up. "May I sit here?"

You blink. It's Ren. You nod. "Of course."

"Thanks." The tall, lean man seats himself, his Flat White in front of him. "I'm concerned about Hux," he says, finally. "And I didn't know how I could call you. So this is- fate."

You look at him. "What about Hux?"

"I never see him eat," Ren says, simply. "He doesn't really do lunch anymore. He goes to the gym. And he says you don't cook for him-"

At this, you choke. "I do cook. He's just never home in time to eat it!"

Ren looks at you. "There is something wrong."

You nod. And you're not sure what it is, but certain fears are now coming into your mind, nibbling, nipping like gadflys. You take a sip. "I'll talk to him."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

He is late, as usual. Going into the office on Saturday is a necessity at the moment, due to a huge project. But you are going to talk to him. "Did you eat?"

He hangs his coat up, and comes into the lounge. "Nice greeting. What happened to good evening?"

"Did you eat?" You repeat.

At this, he scowls. "I have. Please understand that I don't feel the need to eat all the time. Which must be upsetting for you, as you love to feed me, but I'd be the size of an elephant if I let you do that."

You're shocked. "Hux - you don't have to eat anything I serve. Really."

"Oh, good," he says, coldly. "Because you may have noticed I'm not in the mood for it at the moment. I'm going for a shower."

With that, he turns and stalks off. Feeling devastated, you decide to leave for the evening. 

++++++++++++++++++++

He's in bed when you get back. Rey was a comfort, making you tea, and letting you talk. Poe and Finn came over, and both gave advice. 

Leave him. He's bad news. 

But they've never liked him. You do. You go into the bedroom. The light's already off. As you undress, he barely stirs. 

You slide in next to him, and run your hand over his back. 

As all you feel are his backbone, you stop. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Sunday is a bad day. He's not talking to you, so you go for a walk. A long one. You think you might go past a cinema, take in a film. 

You return a few hours later. When you enter the house, you hear the sound of the toilet flushing, and coughing. You go into the kitchen, and notice the empty boxes. Cake. Cinnamon rolls. Chocolate. 

You look at them. You know what's wrong with him. He comes downstairs, and sees you. "Something I ate," he mumbles, before walking past and beginning to calmly dispose of the containers. 

You can't speak. You can't challenge him. He doesn't care that he's destroying himself. Killing himself. 

And potentially destroying you. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You stay at work later and later. He doesn't want to eat with you. He won't even look at you. He's now sleeping in the spare room. When he left this morning, you froze slightly at how his beautifully tailored, expensive suit, is hanging off his frame. His cheekbones are sharper, and his skin more pallid. 

You just want to hold him. Reassure him. You don't care if he's thin. You don't care if he's fat. All that matters is that he stays alive. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You return home that night to see him eating. You blink. It is the lasagne you made on Sunday. You ended up freezing it, as he ignored you, and you didn't feel like eating. 

To your horror, he's eating it out of the dish. And he's not caring how much mess he's making.

"Thought you'd be pleased," he practically spits through a mouthful of pasta. "You're always trying to fatten me up, aren't you? Is that what turns you on? The idea of me being your little foie gras goose?"

You shake your head. "You're sick," you mutter, and you're beginning to mean it in all respects. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The next day at work, Poe talks to you.

"Leave him," he says, softly. "He's not worth it."

You're beginning to believe it. "I-"

"Come stay with me for a while," he says, kindly. "I'd like the company. We won't talk about work."

You're seeing Poe's point of view. Hux is locking into himself, and you can't help him.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You go into the bedroom to sleep that night. He's at work still. You shrug. You decide that tomorrow, you'll take Poe up on his offer. And Hux? He can take care of himself. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You wake up the next day and realise, as you go to the bathroom, then get breakfast and coffee, that the house is empty. No Hux. 

You shake your head. A deep, creeping fear is taking hold. You think about calling him, and do so. 

Straight to voicemail.

He's probably stayed at Ren's. 

You swallow. This is the end. You carefully rinse your cereal bowl, and leave for work.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

As you're entering the building, your phone rings. "Hello?"

(y/n)?

"Yes?"

"Its Ren. Please - get back home. Now."

"What-"

"Hux never left the office last night. He collapsed."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

He's in bed. Your and his bed. His in pyjamas, but he looks fragile. His eyes are darkly shadowed, and sit on the edge. You reach out, and touch his face. He responds by wrapping his fingers around yours. "Don't leave," he whispers. 

"I was going to."

"I've driven you away- you're the only person who can help me." His voice is shuddering. "I love you, (y/n), I love you. I just-" tears are trickling down his face. "I have this monster I can't control."

"You binge, you purge, you starve," you say, softly. "You want to control. All of it. And you're killing yourself, Hux. Destroying us." You look at him. "You're so thin - so fragile. I need to feed you. And you're not arguing."

He nods slowly. 

"We'll do what it takes," you say softly. "Therapy, nutritionist, whatever it takes."

"Yes." He looks at you. "I want to be free of this, enjoy my life, enjoy our lives. There are two of us in this relationship - not three."

"Yes." You smile. 

"I did wonder-" he looks at you. "If you thought Ren, or Poe were more attractive than I, and-"

You look at him. "Ren has a highly strung temperament, and Poe rather loves himself," you inform him. "Where would I be without my charming, focused, and obsessional Hux?"

Tears are now rolling down his face. 

"And where would I be," he whispers, "without you?"

You lean over and your lips meet. You won't let this defeat him. Or you. You're together. United. Forever.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath.

When you arrive home, he's asleep.

He has been like this for the last couple of days. 

He's sleeping a lot. Ten, twelve, fifteen hours a night to day. And you take the view he needs it. Since that first day, when you had to leave within ten minutes of arriving at work, to find him back in your and his bed, you've wondered what he's been up to. And finally, like a tsunami threatening a coastline, the story breaks. 

"I was going to the gym."

"How often?"

"Twice a day."

There's a look of guilt on his face as he admits this, the way those ice blue eyes dart to look at you, as though begging for a response. You swallow.

"Twice a day? Hux..."

His hand is trembling. So is his voice. 

"I know."

You take his hand - that fragile looking hand, the fingers that used to be long and elegant now just long and thin - and let him wrap those fingers around yours. He's rubbing the top half of your thumb. "I'm -" his voice is breaking. "I can't believe I'v done this to myself - to you-"

You lean over and kiss him. "Sleep. We'll talk later."

He acquiesces, and you help pull the covers over him. As you leave, you hear his deepened breaths, and know that he's safe. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

You wonder what to cook. He's on a restricted diet at present - "his stomach has shrunk, nothing heavy, no diary, no wheat" - although you're concerned he'll slip back to eating virtually nothing. 

But soup. You can make soup. And he may even eat it. As you prepare, you bite your lip. Anorexia is such an ugly word. It sits on the tongue, acrid, awkward. And at work, you've had to explain why you need a slightly truncated timetable at present, and maybe some time off. 

Principal Organa was sympathetic. But also disbelieving.

"Anorexia?" she says, her brows knitting in confusion. "I'm sorry, (y/n), but Hux..."

You nod. Hux has been to work functions with you, and you remember him then - poised, elegant, confident. She shakes her head. "This is very serious. I hope he's getting the treatment he needs."

You find the words. "He was admitted - but now he's home. He doesn't want to be hospitalised." You don't want that, either.

"I'm sure you don't, but frankly, this is a very difficult situation for you." Her tone is kind. "You are excellent at your job, really excellent. And you deserve a good private life. I don't want you to exhaust yourself, trying to do everything here, then going home and being-"

"His nursemaid?"

She flushes slightly. "Not quite what I was going to say, but yes." She looks at you. "Please, don't do this by yourself."

You don't intend to. You want him to see a therapist, to explore what drives his need for obsessive, perfect control. And you also wonder at why he doesn't try and control you. Your biting your lip as you peer into the vegetable stock simmering on the stove. 

"(y/n)"?

You turn. He's in the doorway. His white t shirt sags on his frame, and it was large to begin with. His jeans are almost hanging off his hips. "Hi there."

He walks in, and wraps his arms round you from the back, burying his face in your hair. "I heard you, and decided to..." his voice trails off. He sounds uncertain, unsure. There is a fragility that has never existed before. 

"I'm glad you did." You turn to him, and trace your fingers down his cheek. "Do you want any?"

He's biting his lip, but then nods. "I'll try."

Its a small victory. 

But not when he merely dips the spoon in, and still can't swallow any. 

He's apologetic, but you know that its no triumph. He needs to eat. He must. 

But how do you silence the devil on his shoulder? 

You know this is going to be a long haul.

But now you realise with certainty you have no idea how long. 

+++++++++++++++++++++

You're sleeping in the spare room. He's not happy, but you don't think he needs you in his space right now. He goes to bed before you, the constant drowsiness brought on by his starved state seeing to that. You decided to finish marking your books, and then go for a shower. As you move towards the bedroom, you hear slightly muffled sobs. 

You go to the main bedroom. He's standing in front of the mirror, clad only in boxers. All you see in the dim light of the bedside lamp, are bones. 

But you know that all he sees is fat. Rolls of it, rippling and wobbling. He doesn't see the lean lines of his frame, the way he's perfectly wrought. 

You lean your head against the doorframe. How can you say anything without causing offence? You can't. So you speak.

"Hux?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

You do. Regardless of the shape he is, or the shape he's in. Love. Love conquers all.

And hopefully this.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fears have a voice

"How are you?"

You look up from the data you're analysing. Poe is sitting on one of the desks, looking at you sympathetically. You shrug. "I'm all right."

He nods. "OK. And how is Hux?"

You pause before answering. "He's...OK."

"I see." Poe nods. "OK."

His response is slightly irritating. "Poe, you don't like him - I get that. But he is ill."

"I'm sorry." Poe rubs his face. "He is, and anorexia is not something that you or he should be struggling with alone. Shouldn't he be in a clinic?"

Now you are annoyed. "Listen, Poe, I've got to go. Its after 5pm-"

"OK, Hux needs his nursemaid," Poe snaps. "But just remember - there are people here who are trying to look out for you. Don't push us away because of him!"

You flinch at this, and he strides out. Being Hux's nursemaid is not what you are, or what he'd want. 

If you are anything, its his Demon slayer. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"(Y/N)?"

You are entering the house when you hear Hux's voice. He is standing in the hallway, in black jeans and a dark t shirt. His skin is pale. You go up to him. "It is."

Before you can speak, he's pulling you into his arms. You respond by moving yours around him, holding him close. But you can't help but wince as you feel his ribs and backbone. And you panic internally about what he's feeling about you. 

Does he think you're fat?

You try and banish the thought. His face is buried in your hair, and he's murmuring, almost sleepily. You pull away from him slightly. "Sounds like you're tired."

He smiles. "I'm sleeping more than I was."

"So at least a couple of hours a night?"

"Yes."

"Come on. I really could do with a cup of tea."

He blinks. "Oh, God, sorry. You've just got in and-"

"Hux. Its fine."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When you first started dating, you did feel insecure. Physically, he's thin. Tall, wiry - thin. No body fat. And its all entirely natural. 

"So what's wrong with that?"

Rey had guessed there was something on your mind, and asked if you wanted coffee together during lunch. You agreed. 

"Well - I'm scared I might - break him."

At this, she actually giggles. "(Y/N)!"

"Well, its true", you say, defensively. "I mean, I'm not exactly small."

"You're curvy," Rey points out. "You have a womanly figure. And I bet he loves it."

You raise an eyebrow. "We haven't got that far yet."

"How long have you been seeing each other?"

"Only a couple of weeks." You take a sip of Mint tea. "He's very - gentlemanly."

"Well, in that case," Rey comments, "he's probably waiting for the right moment. And remember, you can always make him go on top."

At this, you both burst out laughing, cause others to turn and look at you. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The first time you are intimate, Rey is correct. He cannot seem to get enough of you.

"Why are you switching the lights off?"

You blink. His clipped voice sounds commanding in darkness. 

"I'm - getting undressed-"

"And I want to see. So the light can go back on."

"Hux - I don't have a model's body-"

"Its the body I want. So show me, then come and get into bed next to me. I'm cold. I need to be warmed up."

"You really like giving orders, don't you?"

"Actually, I love it." Before you can move, he's out the bed, and straight next to you. "Let's get rid of these," he mutters, pulling your t shirt off, and then unbuckling your jeans. He's also deftly removing your underwear. "This is what I like. Curves. Perfect." His lips are twisting into a smile. "Buxom, even."

"Well, I'm never going to be a stick."

"Which suits me perfectly." Before you can say anything else, his lips are on yours, and he's pulling you onto the bed. 

And he's more than happy to have you on top. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Remembering how delighted he was with your figure when you first began a relationship is helping to assauge your fears. You remind yourself that you need to remember that whilst what Hux sees himself as is distorted, his view of you is not. 

You can't stop thinking of what you saw in front of the mirror. His bones. His ribs. His complete lack of flesh. And the realisation that he does not see it. This is the barrier that you wonder if you can break. 

He is trying to eat. He managed four spoonfuls of soup - an improvement on a week ago. And he has arranged for therapy. 

You're in the spare room, in bed, trying to read. He's anxious - tomorrow he's going into work to meet with Ren to discuss how if he can have reduced hours. You want him to sleep. 

He wants you to come back into the main bedroom. "Why are you still sleeping in the spare room?"

You blink. He's in the room, and now sitting on the bed, in pyjamas. He's actually pouting, which makes him look younger than he is. You notice the thin wrists poking out of the end of the cotton fabric. 

You put your book aside. "Hux, at the moment, you need to rest and I think its best that we sleep separately."

"Why?"

There's an edge to his voice - the commanding Hux who is used to getting his own way at work. You can't help but smile. 

"I thought that-"

"Well, I'm entitled to think too." He's looking at you, directly. "And I don't want you to become my carer." He is frowning. "We are in a relationship. Yes, I do have this evil little voice that tells me I'm too fat, that I shouldn't eat - but I also have another voice telling me that I'm fine." He looks at you. "But what do you see?"

You pause. "I think you're too thin, Hux." You keep your voice calm. "But what do you see?"

"I see-" he swallows. "I see it all - bulging. Rolls of it. Loathsome fat, that just won't go." He's biting his lip. "And I don't know whether what I see is true - or fake..."

His voice is fading. You look at him. "Hux-"

"You are so - lovely." His voice is soft. "And I tell myself I can't be a monster if you're with me. How can I be? But then I see myself and-"

At this, you take him arm, and pull him close. His thin, bony frame feels perilously fragile. You hold him close. He buries his head in your shoulder. "I don't deserve you."

"Yes, you do," you say, softly. "You do."

He chokes out a half laugh, half sob. "Admit it. You just want to hold me down and shove food into me, don't you?"

"I think that would get me arrested. And there are better ways of dealing with this than just fattening you up, Hux."

"I want to recover." His voice sounds less fearful. "You say I'm too thin - I don't want to lie next to you and have you feel repulsed by me."

"I don't think I could ever feel repulsed by you, Hux. I want you to recover."

"Don't abandon me." He is holding you more tightly now, and his demeanour is almost that of a frightened child. "Please."

"Hux. I'm not going anywhere."


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Overheard conversations can be a killer.

You enter your classroom, put the coffee cup down, and busy yourself with your laptop. But on impulse, you check your phone. No texts, no emails. Which is a relief. 

Hux went back to work today. It was agreed he would only come in from 8am to 2pm, but you still wonder if he'll manage that. But he was insistent. 

"I can do this," he said, a determination in his voice that you'd not heard for a while. "I need to get back - into the swing of things."

You're biting your lip whilst staring at your phone, and don't hear Finn entering.

"Boss?"

You look up. His face is calm, but there is a concern in his eyes that is beginning to grate. You wonder if your colleagues really quite understand your situation. "Finn?"

"You OK?"

You nod. People asking you if you're OK is now tiresome. You're not the one who spends the best part of an hour choosing clothes, desperate to hide what you think are rolls of fat; you're not the one who gulps when presented with a child's portion of food, and barely manages half; and you're not the one who considers yourself a monster. You reach for your coffee.

"I'm fine. Absolutely fine. I think we need a meeting this week. Tomorrow all right, at the end of the day?"

Finn nods, and you can see by the expression on his face that he realises that you won't be drawn on the subject everyone wants to name. He turns and leaves, allowing you to busy yourself with setting up for the day. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Coffee, Sir?"

Hux looked up. Phasma, his PA, crisply turned out as ever in a lemon and cream suit, was holding a mug. He smiled. "Please."

"There you are." She looked at him. "Your schedule for the day - Ren needs a meeting at 10am, and Snoke is visiting at 11am. I have however made sure everything is cleared for you from 2pm onwards."

Hux nodded. "Thank you, Phasma."

"You're welcome." She turns and leaves, her heels clicking on the polished floor. Hux swallows, then gets up. As the CEO, he has to take a walk around the offices, make sure that everyone can see he's back. 

As he walks, he's aware that some are looking at him, and intently. He feels his face flush, and tries to focus on looking ahead. The First Order is designed as open plan offices, and as he navigates the maze of desks, chairs, cabinets, and bodies, he tries to look as nonchalant as possible. 

Finally, he makes it to the far side of his floor. But as he stands against a wall, sweating slightly inside his dark grey suit - he hears voices. Female and male. They are coming from a small room to the left, the reprographics room. Against his better judgement, he listens. 

"Its a shame," he hears one voice - Unamo, he recognises it, a junior in Communications - "he was so good looking."

"I agree," says the male voice - Mitaka. A man who aspires to higher things than he has. "The type of man you envy."

"You do have to wonder about his girlfriend," Unamo continues. "Didn't she notice anything? Or is she so wrapped up in herself that she doesn't care?"

Hux gripped the edge of the cabinet. 

"I mean, if I saw my boyfriend getting as thin as Hux, I'd want to help him."

"Unamo-"

"Well, its the truth. How can she let him starve himself? Or does she think he's fat?"

Hux waited until he'd heard their footsteps and gone. Then he brushed his face, noting that his hand was trembling. Trying to compose himself, he turned and began to walk back to his office. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You're finishing your last class for the morning when the intercom coughs to life, and a message is relayed. 

"Ms (Y/SN), please go to the Principal's office."

You blink. Placing the class notes you're holding on your desk, you begin to move towards her office. When you arrive, her face is open, friendly. "Please, have a seat."

You take it, wondering why she wants to see you. As she leans forward, you notice there is something slightly guarded about her expression. "I wanted to ask you about a trip."

"Oh," you say, feeling slightly annoyed. "I see."

Leia Organa's smile doesn't falter. "Its a residential trip - in Berlin, Germany. For a week. You're my expert on European History, and Poe thought that-"

You feel stunned. "What?"

"Berlin," she repeats, almost patiently. "Poe thought that you could head it, with help from Finn."

You lean forward. "Leia, I'm not sure I-"

She frowns slightly. "What is it?"

"Leia - Hux is ill. He needs me to be here." There. You've said it. And now she's openly frowning. 

"(Y/N,), you're one of my best teachers. And as I said, the expert in European History. You're the only person who can make this trip a success." She looks at you. "We've had this conversation. I don't want you reduced to being his carer."

"I'm not." It comes out more defensively than it should have done, and you remind yourself you're speaking to a woman you consider to also be a friend and a mentor. "I just feel-"

"I think we should have this conversation another time," Leia says, her tone kind. "But don't make any decisions just yet."

You nod, and begin to get up. As you leave her office, you're beginning to wonder how much more impact Hux's illness is going to have. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++

"So, as you can see," Ren comments, holding everyone's attention during his presentation, "our forecast for the next month is-"

Hux's attention is wandering, to the plate of danish pastries on the table. He reaches out, and grabs one, not caring that he's in the boardroom. He stuffs it into his mouth, taking a bite. As he does so, a feeling of pure electricity jolts through him. He takes another bite. 

Ren's voice is fading into the background, into irrelevance. Hux is purely focusing on finishing the Danish. As he swallows, he reaches for another. 

Phasma is next to him, shocked. And Ren is beginning to falter, his eyes drawing away from his presentation and towards Hux's steady, almost mechanical eating. The second is almost half gone.

By the time he reaches for the third, silence is beginning to blanket the room. The presentation is forgotten. All anyone is now focusing on is Hux eating the pastries. There is something macabre about this waif thin man chewing his way through the sugary treats. 

However, he stops. A grimace flickers across his face, and then he abruptly leaves the room, heading for the bathroom. As the contents of his stomach are expelled, he begins to slump. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You arrive home, to find him in the lounge with Ren and Phasma. They've insisted on staying with him. "He ate three danish," Ren informs you, his dark eyes clouded with worry. "And then-"

You look at him, saddened but not shocked. This is part of it - the determination to prove he can eat erupting into uncontrollable gorging. You sit next to him. "Hux-"

He looks at you. "You probably think I'm fat, anyway. What difference are three danish going to make?"

Shocked, you turn away. "I-"

"Its all right," he snaps, his voice now brittle. "You don't have to lie to me." 

He gets up and walks out, and you hear the bedroom door shutting. Stunned, you put your hand to your face, and feel tears. Then you feel the tightening of Ren's arms round you as he pulls you close, Phasma holding you on the other side, you in between them. And both hold you tight as you sob.


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Building bridges?

You've not seen him all evening. 

You had a shower after Ren and Phasma left, both making you promise you'd call if you had to. After that, you went upstairs to the bathroom, not wanting to talk to - or confront - him. 

Silence was emanating from behind the bedroom door. You guessed he was asleep, and chose not to see if you were correct. In the shower, you stood, hot water cascading down your shoulders, letting it thud onto you, eyes closed. 

As you got out and towelled yourself dry, you realised you had one ear cocked to the door, waiting to see if there was any sound. Eventually, you gave up, and dressed in soft pyjamas, went downstairs. 

In the kitchen, you decide peppermint tea is the only thing that's going to soothe your nerves. As the kettle boils, you hear a voice. 

His voice.

"Can I...join you?"

You blink, and look at him. He looks crushed, defeated, his bathrobe tied limply around his waist. You swallow, and nod. "Of course."

As you place another mint tea bag in a mug, he's looking at the floor. Finally, he speaks. "(Y/n)..."

You look at the counter. You're not sure if you really want to hear what he's got to say. "Hux?"

"I-" he looks at you. "I'm sorry."

You blink. Hux, apologising? Hux rarely apologises for anything. You quickly learned at the beginning of your relationship that his rages were not expressive and emotive, but cold, almost spiteful. "Sorry?"

"Yes." He's biting his lip. "Its just this is so hard. So hard."

You want to slap him. Its not easy for you, either - you have to go to work, and have to try and defend your life and choices from your colleagues. You have to watch the man you love slowly waste away, locking inside a mental torment that there are no words to express. You hate the monster that's devouring him from the inside out. Eating him alive. You look at him. "Hux...just let me in."

He moves forward. "Would you...hold me?"

You pull him close. His arms wrap around you, and you feel the thinness of his form. He swallows. "I am sorry. You deserve better than this."

"We'll get through it."

He nods. Then swallows. "There is something I need to tell you."

"What?"

"When I was upstairs -" he pauses - "I received an email."

"Oh?"

"My parents are coming to visit."


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family ties

"Your...parents?"

"Yes." He's frowning, and rubbing his face with a tired hand. "I got the message this afternoon, just as I was leaving." He grimaced. "I can assure you that I won't be getting any pleasure from this visit."

"OKay," you say, calmly. "Shall we talk about this in the lounge?"

He aqueices, and you move into the lounge, holding your mug of mint tea. As you both sit, you notice he is more tense than usual, his thin frame visibly poised on the edge of the couch, as though ready to fly up into a rage. You take a sip, and wait for him to speak. 

When he does not, you realise that you have to. 

"Hux-" you're biting your lip. "They don't know - you're-"

"Sick," he says, almost bitterly. "But I'm their prized breeding stock, so they can't allow this to happen."

"Breeding stock?!" 

"All my father has ever seen me as is the sperm carrier for the family lineage." His face is paler than usual. "He wanted to mould me to be like him. And instead he got..." he looks down, as if noting his wasted forearms for the first time. "This."

"Aren't you jumping to conclusions?" you ask, trying to sound reasonable. "They may just be interested in seeing you."

"No." His face is twisting. "This is all about whether I've managed to find someone to produce their heir. My heir. They'll be looking at you to see if you're capable of doing so."

At this, you start to feel alarmed. "Hux, you can't be serious-"

"Oh, I am." His face is grim, downturned. "They're criteria for my partner is young and able to bear children. That's all they're interested in."

"Well, I don't think that's a good idea right now-"

"Frankly, is it ever going to be?" His face is serious. "Is it a good idea to bring in children and give them a crazy father?!"

"You're not crazy," you say carefully. "You're ill. There is a difference."

"Please, don't lie to me. You're atrocious at it. I can't look at myself in the mirror without feeling repulsed by rolls of fat that everyone else says are not there. I can't eat food without feeling it moving inside of me, urging me to get rid of it before it digests. I can't sit still. And I constantly count calories, fat grams - and I judge everyone else." He looks at you, his expression forlorn. "I judge everyone. Except you. Never you."

You blink. "Hux-"

"I'm a failure to them," he says, softly. "I'm not the military leader they wanted, sending me to boarding school and then wanting me to join the army. They thought I wouldn't be able to make it in business, and told me so..." his voice falters. "But they'll look at me now and say I'm the weakling they always thought."

"You're not."

"I'm - anorexic," he says, finally. "That's what I am. No use really as a partner, or a lover, and certainly not as the type of son my parents want." He looks at you. "All I have is you. And I know that you must be halfway to walking out by now."

"No, still here." You look at him. "We're together. Regardless of what they say."

He looks at the floor. "Thank you." He rubbed his face with both hands. "I'm no use to you, but-"

"Hux. Shut up." You lean over and kiss him. "We can do this."

"I hope you're right."


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Night time whisperings.

"Please come to bed."

You look up. You're showered, your hair still damp, and downstairs in the lounge, trying to sit on the couch and gain some peace. Hux is also clad in pyjamas, which sag on his frame. He's biting his lip, a gesture that betrays his nervousness. l

"Hux," you say, quietly, "I -"

"Please." His tone is soft, urgent. "I just want to lie next to you. I don't know if I can-"

He lets the sentence fall away, and you know what he meant to say. That intimacy is not something he can manage. Lack of libido and desire have been noted by you, and you've tried your hardest not to take it personally.

But you do. Even though he claims he does not judge you, you wonder. You've been glad to sleep in the spare room, as it means you can undress and dress without fearing that he's looking at you, criticising, wishing you were smaller. Thinner. Even though when you first let him undress you, you remember the way his eyes lit up. 

"Oh, this is what I like," he'd breathed, before putting his hands on your torso and practically pushing you down onto the bed. "My office is full of women who think they should look like boys. And they think it impresses me. They clearly don't get that I'm red blooded. Please, come with me to the next function. Wear something tight and make them realise they should eat." 

You'd smiled internally as his mouth had roamed all over your neck, enjoying the feeling of his hands sliding down your frame, applying a soft, subtle pressure. "First time we bumped into each other, I confess I looked at your chest. And your arse."

This did make you giggle. "Thought you were a gentleman."

"Oh, I am. Why do you think I've waited? I knew that it would be worth it. And it is."

You felt completely free under his hands. He was completely wrapped up in you, happy to remove his clothes and allow the press of skin against skin. 

"Am I- too much for you?" You'd faltered at one point. He'd looked almost offended. 

"I'm wiry," he conceded, "but I'm not fragile. Go on top. I mean it."

As you go into the bedroom, and look at him lying under the sheets, you feel a pang. He looks so frail. He reaches out. 

"Please."

As you pull up your side of the sheets, and slide under, he surprises you. His arm is immediately across your torso, pulling you close. His head is buried in your neck. You respond by reaching for him, only to be encountered by bones. 

You swallow. He shifts. "I know."

"What?"

"I know that lying next to me must be hard." His voice quivered slightly. "But you-" he props himself up on his elbow. "You've lost weight."

You don't respond. Its not surprsing. The combination of dealing with him, plus work, plus trying to fend off concerned colleagues and friends has left you stressed. There have been times when its been easier to sit in your room, looking at a pile of marking, than to join the others. And in the evenings, cooking for one has left you feeling lonely and frustrated. Especially when you know his half will never be touched. 

"Its been a difficult time," you respond. His face darkens. 

"I've done this," he mutters, his eyes examining you. "I'm destroying you, destroying myself...you'd be so much better off without me."

"Really?" Your voice has a sharp edge. "You really believe that, Hux?"

"I just-" he looks at you. "You know they'll suggest I go to a clinic."

"Will they?"

"Yes. For your sake, I'll go. I'll go with them."

That won't cure him. He'll gain the weight back, but mentally...you shudder. He lies down again, and closes his eyes. You stare up into the darkness, feeling his arm tightening around your neck, trying not to compare it to a noose.


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the positive comments I've received for this fic so far - much appreciated.

Its after work, and you decide rather than heading straight home, you're heading to The Golden Bean - a coffee shop a short distance from the station. As you walk in, and order a cappuccino, you hear a voice. "(Y/N)?"

You turn. Its Ren, who is sitting in front of Flat White, his expression concerned. You take your order, thank the Barista and pay, and then head over to his table. He shifts his IPhone and smiles at you. "Good to see you."

You nod, carefully stirring the froth into the liquid. "Good to see you too."

There's a pause, and then he speaks. "How are you?"

"Well, Hux seems-"

"I'm not asking about Hux." His tone is forceful, which surprises you. He is looking at you directly. "I'm asking how you are. I and Phasma only have to deal with him at work. You have to deal with him 24/7."

You bite your lip. "I'm- worried." You look into his eyes. "I'm scared. He says he wants to fight this, but I don't know. I'm scared he's judging me - I'm scared he thinks I'm too fat. I'm scared that he'll keep on refusing to eat, I'm scared he won't ever really open up to me about how he feels."

Ren's mouth twists. "Chances are he'll never open up to you. Hux doesn't discuss his feelings." He picks up his cup."He's always been closed."

You flinch, which he sees. He starts to speak again.

"Let me tell you a story about Hux." He pauses, and takes a sip of coffee. "He and I met at college - room mates. I quickly realised his family and he were distant. They never called and never visited. The second year, at Christmas, Mom insisted he came to stay with us."

You smile. "And how did it go?"

Ren is grinning. "She tried to feed him non stop for four days. The poor guy must have been on the verge of exploding! But she kept telling him he was too thin, and needed to eat. I think he wondered if he was really the turkey."

At this, you do laugh. "What happened?"

"Well, he did put on a couple of pounds." Ren is smiling at the memory. "But I think he also felt loved and cared for - and I think it was the first time that had ever happened. And then remember when my parents met you?"

You do. You had been invited to Ren's birthday, and his parents had been there. "What did they say?"

"Oh, they loved you." Ren nods. "And Mom commented how if anyone could clearly feed Hux up, it was you. She said she'd never seen him look so healthy."

You blink. Healthy. "Its my fault," you say, suddenly, surprising yourself with the comment. Ren looks at you, his eyes narrowing. "How is it your fault?"

"Well, I've fed him." You slump. "And cooked, and-"

"Taken care of him," Ren interrupts. "Actually make him eat proper, balanced meals, than frozen yoghurt and takeout. And he did look healthier. Less pallid. A little more muscle."

You rub your face. "Have I made him think he's fat?"

"No," Ren shakes his head. "This has been building for years. Hux has always liked to control everything. My guess is that eventually, it became too much."

"His parents are coming," you say, brokenly. "And-"

"What?!" Ren's eyes open, wide. "My God."

"What are they like?"

"From what Hux has said - cold, cruel, distant." Ren shook his head. "Sorry."

You feel your phone vibrate in your pocket. You pull it out. Missed call. Hux.

"I should leave," you mutter, and begin to get up. Ren reaches over, and to your surprise, takes your hand. "Ren-"

"If you need to talk, call me and Phasma." His tone is sincere. "We're here for you too."

You're touched at this, as you always felt they were more Hux's friends. "Thank you."

He gets up too, and nods. "Let me drive you. My car is outside."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

As you pull up in front of your and Hux's place, you thank Ren again, grab your bag, and leave. As you put your key in the lock, suddenly, its opened. Hux is standing in the doorway, an almost manic look on his face. You blink. "Hux?"

"Thank God," he almost hisses, and you come inside, only for him to quickly usher you upstairs. You look at him. "What-"

"My parents are here."

You're shocked. "What?"

"They arrived at work." He swallows, and runs a hand through his flame red hair. "Ren had left for a meeting off the site, and they arrived. Too early to check into their hotel - apparently. And they are very keen to meet you."

You look at him. "Are they?"

Hux smiled- a thin, bitter one. "Oh yes. Do come downstairs."

Your heart, you realise, is pounding. As you go downstairs, you also notice that Hux is making no move to hold your hand, or thread his fingers through yours. This crushes you slightly, wondering how difficult this is going to be. 

As you enter the lounge, you become immediately aware of his father. A tall, broad man, with the same penetrating blue green eyes as his son. His mother, by contrast, is petite. You swallow. "General, Mrs Hux, its good to meet..."

Your voice dies away. You have realised the man is looking at you a little too intently. And then he turns to Hux. 

"So, this is she?"

"Yes." Hux's voice is cold. "And?"

"You've made a good choice." The man is nodding, his manner overbearing and obnoxious. "A good choice."

"A good choice?" you repeat, taken aback. 

"Healthy. Sturdy." He nods. 

"Father. Would you please refrain-"

"Yes, healthy" the General repeats, oblivious to his son's look of anger. "Which is what you need. I did worry that you were going to marry some skinny, sickly thing." He then turned to Hux. "But it seems you're that yourself. What's happened to you?"

You look at Hux, shocked into silence. His father's casual assessment of you physically and then of Hux makes you realise how truthful his comment about only being seen as breeding stock was. Hux shrugs. "I've been ill." He speaks as though he's had a dose of the flu.

"Really?" His father is looking at him. "You need fattening up."

"Why thank you," Hux responds, haughtily. "And how are you, Mother?"

You feel a pressure inside your head. You want to get away - away from this grotesque family tableux being played out in front of you. You decide to try and slip away. As you turn, his father speaks again. "Don't you take care of my son?"

At this, you stop. "Take care of him?" You look at Hux, and realise there is a frightened look in his eyes. You know he does not want his illness revealed to them. "Of course!"

"You're clearly not doing a good job." His father shakes his head. "He looks - ill. Somewhat pathetic."

"Oh, so this is my fault?" You say, harshly. As Hux looks at you, his eyes glittering, you realise you have said too much. His father glares at you. 

"What's - your fault?!"

"Well..." you falter. "I do cook, I do-"

"She takes care of me," Hux interrupts you, and for the first time, you suddenly feel he's on your side. In fact, he's next to you. "Perhaps you should leave. Please."

His father nods. "We will. But I really think you ought to reconsider this arrangement. At least for the time being."

His mother gets up without a word, and meekly follows his father out. You look at Hux. To your astonishment, his arms are suddenly around you. "I'm sorry you had to put up with that."

"Sturdy?" you comment. Hux winces. "Frankly, the way you're shrinking-"

You turn and look at him. "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know," Hux replies, honestly. "But I do know that I can't lose you."

You lean your head against his chest. His illness, his family - it's becoming tied into a knot. But you know that you can't give up on him. Not now, not ever.


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A frightened Hux lashes out.

You sit with Hux's arms round you for about ten minutes, until you speak. "Hux?"

"Hmmm?"

"I think I need to-" you pause - "go and cook."

He relents, loosening his arms. "All right. Can I help?"

You look at him. He's refused to sit and eat with you for the best part of the last month. In fact, you dread cooking, as you always know that whatever you serve, he'll likely reject it. He doesn't even try and soften the blow with an excuse. He simply pushes the plate away from himself, and shrugs. 

You look at him. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," he nods. At this, you get up, and head for the kitchen. He follows you, albeit uncertainly. 

"OK," you look at him. "Pasta?"

You see his face quiver slightly. Pasta. Not something he would choose to eat voluntarily, you know. For him, its not just a source of energy - its calories. Hundreds of them. You decide to speak more lightly. 

"I take it that's a yes."

Hux does not respond, and instead opens the fridge, choosing to pull out salad ingredients. You busy yourself with chopping chicken and peppers, ready to throw them into a tomato sauce. and try hard not to start a conversation. The intrusion by his parents has left you feeling shaken. 

He is quietly chopping salad vegetables, and does not speak either. As the smell of frying chicken permeates the air, he sniffs. You look at him. "You all right?"

"Yes." He puts the knife down, and you can see he's fighting for control of his emotions. "My father...you should not have been subjected to that..."

You decide to deflect it. "Well, it was - interesting."

"Don't try and defend him." His tone is cold, angry. "He only sees me as breeding stock, and therefore that's how he sees you. Not as people. Just like a prized stud to carry on his line. His line of mass murderers."

"Hux-"

"My father took pleasure in being in the military." He's almost spitting the words out, his face contorted. "He took pleasure in ordering direct hits, in killing. And I'm a bitter disappointment to him that I didn't follow." He furiously slices the lettuce. "Oh no. I'm a waste of that expensive boarding school, of not going to Cambridge. Such a disappointment I went to Harvard. Why did I go there? To get away from them."

You're silent. This is not a conversation. This is a rage within himself that you have to be privy to. You carefully stir the food, and wait. 

"Their ideal woman for me," he continued, "is quiet, submissive, no job, merely services my needs. More fool them -I'd be bored in two days with her. Calling you sturdy - what are you to them, nothing but a machine for carrying my child! At the moment I can't even get it up!"

At this, you turn to him, your mouth parting slightly. His voice is broken, furious. Then he looks at you, his eyes narrowing. "Why were you late tonight?"

You answer truthfully. "I went for a coffee, after work."

"Alone?"

"No." You can't lie to him. You're sick of the deceit that clouds your relationship - his hiding, his evasiveness. "I saw Ren."

"Ren?" His eyebrow goes up. "By chance?"

"Yes." You prod the chicken. "Have I done something wrong, Hux?"

"No. Its just that Ren is my friend and colleague, and you saw him-"

"Hux, I do need to talk to people sometimes. Because-"

"Because being with me must be so difficult." He's gripping the edge of the counter, his knuckles turning white. "Being with someone who looks in the mirror and thinks he weighs 25 stone; being with someone who obsessively counts calories; being with someone who can't even make love at the moment. Yes, its difficult. And I don't blame you for seeking...confort outside."

At this, your jaw drops. "Are you accusing me of having an affair?!"

"You're the one who went for coffee with Ren." There's a nasty little smirk on his face, and you're itching to slap him. "Ren can be very charming. Very personable. Very open. Not like me, who has to be cold and controlling - yes, I know what your friends think of me. Poe has always disliked me, Rey and Finn are barely polite when they are here, so why don't you just admit it?!"

You turn and look at him. His face is white with rage, and his eyes glassy with unshed tears. "Why don't you just admit you'd rather be rid of me?!"

"Hux-"

"I know its the truth!" He is practically screaming now, losing control to an extent you have never seen before. "You would rather I went. Can't say I blame you, I don't look particularly nice with my clothes on or my clothes off at the moment. Shall I prove it?"

To your shock he is unbuttoning his shirt. You swallow, feeling your heart sink at the prominent ribs and concave stomach. You look at him. "Hux-"

"It disgusts you, doesn't it?" he spits. "You see bones, I just see rolls of fat. One of us is wrong, who is it? Either I'm insane, or you're just a liar. You offer to cook, and bake, trying to feed me, trying to fatten me up - but its never going to work. Its never going to work, because I will just throw it back up. All you do for me is wasted. Its wasted because there is something inside me that is more powerful than me, and more than you. It tells me what to do, it tells me what to think. And you think I'm going to be all right. You silly little girl-"

At this, you slap him. Hard. Across his face. He stands there, stunned, his hand going to his cheek, which has a red imprint spreading over it. 

"I'm the only person on your side, Hux," you say, coldly, although you're trembling with rage. "And you think I'm against you. Perhaps we ought to take some time out." You swallow. "I can stay with Rey for a bit, let you have some space."

"No, (y/n), forgive me, I-" his voice is faltering, and tears are spilling down his cheeks. "I shouldn't have- I love you."

"Do you?"

"Yes." He is rubbing his face. "I do. Without you...I'm going to..." his voice is breaking.

"Yes?"

"Die."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The line "I don't look particularly good with my clothes on or off" was actually said by Domnhall Gleeson after he lost 27lbs in just 7 weeks for Unbroken. Frankly, he must have really wanted the part - no nutritionist/trainer/doctor would ever recommend that as a healthy rate to lose weight.


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cleansing.

"You're not going to die."

You speak with conviction - but you doubt he's heard. He's staring, numbly, at the floor. "Hux, you're-"

"I heard." His voice is broken. "I heard, and I know you won't give up on me, but after what I just said, you should just walk out. Leave me. Leave me here. I deserve it."

"You don't."

"Don't I?" his voice is soft, on the verge of tears. "I've just abused the one person who actually loves me. Who actually gives a damn." He laid his hands on his face. "I cannot believe what I've just done."

You walk over to him, and place one hand on his face. "The food is ready. Do you want to...?"

He nods, mutely. "I'll try."

As he gets out plates, you take a deep breath. Carefully, you spoon pasta and then the chicken onto both plates, placing them at opposite ends of the table. Hux waits for you to sit down, and then looks at the food, picking up his fork. 

You know you cannot watch him eat. You stare at your own plate. He lifts a forkful of pasta to his mouth, and puts it inside. To your surprise, he chews, and swallows. You look at him. "How was it?"

"Good," he nods. He tries a second. 

You focus on your own meal, but its a struggle. After a few more minutes, he puts his fork down. "I can't," he says, simply. You nod. You know better than to force him. In silence, you both clear away, before he makes a comment. "Bed?"

You check your watch. It is later than you thought, and you nod. "Yes. I'll shower first, if that's OK?"

He looks at you. "Can I....come in with you?"

At this, you are surprised. But you realise that its intimacy he wants, that he's desperately craving. You nod again. "Of course."

As you go into the shower room, you turn on the water. You want it hot - hot enough to warm you. You begin to undress, aware that he could come in at any moment. You carefully unzip your suit trousers, and let them fall to the floor. Then you pull your shirt over your head. 

As you're standing in your underwear, he comes in. "Oh." He blinks. "You look - "

You're not sure you want him to finish the sentence. You've avoided him looking at your body for the last few weeks. You don't want him assessing you. 

"Beautiful," he breathes, and leaning over, he has buried his face in your shoulder. You stroke his hair. "Come on. Shower."

"I like being given orders," he mumbles, not lifting his head. You swallow. "Come on."

Carefully, haltingly, he begins to undress himself. As he exposes his painfully thin frame, you look at him. His hips are sharp, and his backbone too prominent. You get into the shower, and he's straight in after you. "Let me soap your back."

You agree, and the scent of the shower gel permeates the tiled space. As his hands caress your back, you remember the first time you shared a shower. He's kissing the back of your shoulders. "I so want to..."

You know he does. "Do you think you're strong enough?"

There's a pause. "I don't know."

"But if you want to take it slowly..?"

"That's a good idea." His voice is muted. "I want to feel you, hold you. I miss you."

You miss him, too.

"Hux," you say, quietly. "I'm worried at the moment I might be too...much for you."

"Please don't." His tone has an edge. "You'll never be too much for me. At the moment I'm not enough for you. I want to hold you, feel you in my arms."

You turn to him. "All right. Shall we...?"

This is the closest you've both come to a normal physical interaction since the madness started. He leans down and kisses you. "Yes."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Half an hour later, you're in bed, lying in his arms. His positioned himself so the jagged edges of his frame don't dig into you. Your head is on his chest. He's sighing. "You feel so good."

"Clearly I should keep eating pasta."

He tightens his grip. "Lose your curves...just no. Its bad enough I'm a skeleton."

"You see it?"

"No," he admits. "All I see is a blob. But I trust that you are correct when you say what I look like." 

"Hux?"

"Hmmm?"

"You've never wished I were thinner?"

"No. If I wanted a stick insect I'd be with one. Sadly, you're with one."

He holds you tightly. Before you know it, you're asleep.


	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A frightening prospect.

You're aware of the soft weight across your chest as you begin to wake. Lemony light starts piercing your eyelids as you stir, and you find yourself brushing against his arm. He is still fast asleep, his head buried in your shoulder. You begin to stir, determined to get up without disturbing him. 

However, as you move his arm, and start to push back the covers, he does begin to stir. "Morning," he mumbles. His head is still in your shoulder. You turn and gently run your fingers through his hair. 

You stop when you realise that the fine red strands are coming away in your fingers. 

+++++++++++++++++++++

Hux gets to work easily, feeling bouyed by the night before. He walks in, and refuses to notice the looks of the receptionists, both of whom are clearly unnerved by the increasingly skeletal figure of the man in front of them. As he heads to his office, the lift doors are paused, and another tall figure enters. 

Hux turns to see Ren. "Morning," the brunet comments, punching the numbers of the floors. Hux merely raises an eyebrow, saying nothing. 

The cold snub clearly unnerves the other man, who looks at him. "Have I offended you, Hux?"

"Well," Hux begins, his voice clipped. "What about taking (y/n) for coffee last night? Taking advantage, Ren?"

Ren looks at him, puzzled. "I did not take her there. We met there. Or rather, I was already there, and then she turned up."

"Didn't exactly run away from her though, did you?" Hux's face was a mask of suspicion. "Then again, she didn't run away from you, either."

Ren runs a hand through his thick dark hair. "We were both at a loose end. We just drank a cappuccino together." There was an edge to his voice - he bitterly resented having to justify what he'd done. "That's all. In fact, we spent the entire twenty minutes of each other's company talking about you."

Hux looks at him, hurt and pain in his eyes. "Fascinating topic of conversation. I'd love to know what you both said."

At that moment, the lift stopped, and the doors opened. Hux gets out, holding himself straight, adjusting his black trench coat with one hand. As he began to walk away, Ren calls after him. "I told her that this is not her fault!"

Hux turns, his face twisted. "Is that what she thinks?"

"Yes." Ren's voice has lost all pretence at friendliness, venom now slightly coating his words. "You need to be careful. If you lose (y/n)..."

Hux smiles - a brittle, false one. "I lose everything. Thank you for reminding me. Maybe you'd like to remind her of this when you next meet her for coffee?"

Ren, an aggressive look on his face, storms into his office, slamming the door. Hux continues to his. As he approaches the door, his PA, Unamo, calls to him. "Mr Hux!"

"Yes?"

"You have a visitor."

"My first appointment isn't until 10am. Tell them I'm busy."

"I couldn't Sir. He insisted."

Hux blinks. "He?"

"He's in your office, Sir."

Hux swallows and walks into the spacious office, not bothering to bid Unamo good morning. As he enters, his father stands. "Son."

Hux looks at him, then carefully closes the door. "Why are you here?"

"I wanted to see you." His father sounds almost apologetic, but Hux decides he must be mistaken. "I thought we should talk."

"Really?" Hux's tone is glacial. "Perhaps apologise for last night?"

"I don't see why I should."

"Well, suggesting that maybe I and (y/n) should reconsider our arrangement - this may be a strange concept to you, but we actually love each other. This isn't a business deal that we have."

"If she loves you," his father says, bluntly, "why are you in such a pathetic state?"

"I've always been thin, father."

"You have. But now you're scrawny. You're barely a man."

At this, Hux flushes. He turns to glare at the older man. "Oh, I forgot. A real man needs to send people - other people's children - to die and use the woman he lives with as his brood mare. I'm sorry I'm disappointing you."

"You are a pathetic, needy creature." His father was eyeing him with distaste. "And she clearly does not take care of you. But trust me - I've organised something that will stop that."

"What?" Hux blinks, slightly shocked by the vehemence in his father's words. "An engagement to a nice young lady - nice by your standards?"

"No. A clinic. I'm happy to pay."

"What?"

"Its for your own good. It will get you away from her."

"I-"

"Well, its settled." His father made to leave. "We can collect you this evening."


	12. Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who can you trust?

You're at work, and about to go for lunch when your phone pings into life. You slide it out of your pocket, check, and smile. Its a text message from Rey.

_Let's go for Chinese food tonight. Miss you! Bring the boys! Rx_

You swallow. Meeting Rey for dinner would mean getting home late, and possibly causing Hux to feel you're avoiding him. But, you reason, you're not his nursemaid. And if his parents are still in town, you're not sure you really want to be at home, and have to cope with them by yourself. 

Decision made, you text back.  _Sounds wonderful. The Golden Moon?_

_Yes! See you there, 6ish?_

_Will do!_

You pocket your phone again and go to speak to Poe and Finn. You have the feeling this could turn out to be a better day than you hoped. However, you do feel that you should text Hux, let him know that you'll be late. You send a quick message:

_Hi, Rey wants to meet for dinner tonight - I said yes. See you about 8ish, love you! x_

You then hastily switch the phone off. You know he may not reply, and you don't want to feel hurt if he does not. Sighing, you continue to walk to the cafeteria. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++

"So how are you?"

You look at Rey and smile, almost tiredly. Finn and Poe are running slightly late - Finn had to see a parent, and Poe finish some paperwork - but you and Rey have a table for you all, and time for a quick catch up. 

You take a swallow of water before you respond. "I'm OK."

"How's Hux?"

You look at her. Rey has never asked you how he is before - its always been how are the two of you. But now she's asking you directly, and you wonder who she's been talking to. You decide to answer carefully.

"He's all right." You look into your water glass, trying to marshal your thoughts. "He's working stupidly long hours right now, but we do seem to be working round it."

Rey nods - is she convinced? You're not sure, and at this point, you also don't care. You take another swallow of water. 

"(Y/n)?"

"Yes?"

"Please don't lie to me." Rey's tone is warm, but firm. "Things are not good, are they?"

You bite your lip. "They're-"

Suddenly, you can't contain it anymore. His silences, his refusal to eat, his warped self-perception, and his outburst. The words "silly little girl", delivered with the sneer that he only reserved for those he held in utter contempt, ate through your soul. She waits, patiently. Finally, you admit it.

"He's dying."

She blinks in shock, and as the words leave your lips, you realise how final they sound. How you're condemning him to never recover. You look at her. "Sorry, Rey, that sounds-"

"Talk to me," her voice is soft. "What is going on?"

So you tell her. About the fact that he started skipping meals, exercising obsessively. How you came home once to find him gorging on junk, only for him to disappear into the bathroom afterwards. How he's progressively got thinner and thinner, his former lankiness turning into thinness, then scrawniness, then what next? Emaciation, you realised with a feeling of horror. 

"And he still thinks he's too fat." Your hand is shaking, and Rey grabs it. "Still thinks he needs to lose more-"

"Hey!"

You both turn, to find Finn and Poe approaching you. Finn is smiling, Poe offering apologies. As they seat themselves, you pray neither ask why you look as though you are close to tears. 

However, it's too late. Poe has already noticed. 

"Are you all right?" he asks, genuinely concerned, placing a hand on your upper arm. You nod. "Yes."

"No, you're not." His voice is taut - even angry. "I'm so sick of you destroying yourself over him."

At this, your head snaps up, and you look at him. "You mean Hux?"

"Yeah, Hux. A spoiled, selfish little boy, who thinks he can behave how he likes." Poe is almost glaring at you. "If he wants to starve himself to death, then maybe you should let him."

At this, Rey gasps, and Finn blinks. He speaks. "Poe, man, come on-"

"No, I won't!" Poe is unwilling to stop. "He's bad news - you've known that from the beginning. All he cares about is himself. He'll carry on starving and purging, judging everyone and that includes you. How can you be sure that he doesn't secretly think you're just trying to make him fat? How do you know he doesn't see you as the enemy?"

You get up. "Thanks Poe. This is enough."

"For someone so clever, you're so stupid when it comes to Hux!" Poe isn't backing down. "You can do better than him - trust me! I can think of several guys who'd be queing up to date you, and you're with a self-obsessed one with an obsession with food! You need to leave him!"

You look at him. "And you need to be quiet. Thanks."

Without another word, you turn and leave. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When you arrive home, you realise that the house is in darkness. Hux still isn't back, despite it being nearly 9pm. Frowning, you pull your phone out of your pocket, but then you remember. 

You switched it off. 

Swallowing, you switch it back on, waiting impatiently for the electronic device to wake up. As it does, it begins bleeping and trilling. Several missed calls, a voicemail, and a text. You blink, astonished.  The text, as you suspect, is from Hux. All it says is  _enjoy, see you when you get home. Hx._

The missed calls are from Phasma and Ren. And then it begins ringing again. You press answer. "Hello?"

"(Y/n)? Thank God you've answered." Its Phasma. And she sounds worried. Your stomach tightens. "What is it?"

"Its Hux. His father was here - and came back at the end of the day." She sounds as though she's trying to hold back a sob. "He's taken him."

"Taken him?!" You're shocked - and frightened. "What - why?!"

"Please don't panic." Phasma seems to be trying to re-gain some composure. "Ren and I will be right there."


	13. Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened after work

"Wake up. We're here."

Hux blinked, and found his elbow grabbed roughly by his father. As he was pulled out of the back of the car, he noticed the driver did not even move to try and help him. He realised, slightly disorientated, that they were in front of a building. 

A slightly sick feeling stirred in his stomach; its twin awoke in his mind. His father was all but pulling him up the path. 

"I can walk!" Hux snapped angrily, pulling away from his father's aggressive grip. 

"Surprised, the state you're in," was the equally charged response. Both men fell silent as they entered a clean, spacious, and modern lobby. Male and female nurses walked past, and the walls were a soft cream, decorated with modern art pieces. Hux felt the sick feeling intensify as two nurses stopped and looked at him. One approached them.

"Can we help you, Sir?"

"I have an appointment with Dr. Snoke."

"Of course. This was to reception, please - you need to sign in. Then someone will take you to Dr Snoke."

Hux found his tongue glued to his mouth as his father dealt with paperwork formalities. After a few interminable minutes, his father spoke. "Done."

"Thank you, Sir." The receptionist was obsequious, and Hux turned to his father, glaring. "You can't keep me here-"

"Yes, I can, and I'm going to," his father replied, his own blue eyes glints of ice. "Right, let's see Dr Snoke."

"This way, please."

As they followed the nurse, Hux felt the urge to turn and run. But where to? His mind countered. He'd slept for the journey - he wouldn't put it past his father to have plunged a hypodermic into his arm, drugging him into submission. He tried to memorise the corridors, but his mind was churning. 

After a few minutes, the nurse knocked on the door. "Yes?" a voice called from within. 

"Dr Snoke? A new patient."

"Excellent. Show them in."

As the door opened, Hux took a step forward - and shuddered. 

The man sitting at the desk was wizened, and clad in black. He looked at Hux with penetrating eyes, and then smiled - a thin, sickly one. "Please do sit down," he requested, his voice a purr. 

Hux felt his father push him into a seat. "Doctor, very good of you to accommodate us."

"Its no trouble. What's wrong with the young man?"

"He refuses to eat," his father said, as though Hux were not even present. "He's wasting away, and his girlfriend - if you can call her that - clearly does nothing to help him." 

"That's a lie!" Hux spat out. Snoke looked at him. 

"How gallant." There was an amused tone to his voice. "Tell me, does she?"

"Yes," Hux replied, firmly. "She cooks for me - is it her fault if I don't eat it?"

"Interesting," Snoke nodded. "What about your sexual performance?"

Hux blinked, shocked. "I refuse to discuss that."

"I want him to have children," his father broke in. "But look at the state of him! I doubt he can-"

"Yes, I suspect there is a loss of libido, due to the emaciation." Snoke leaned forward. "Can you perform?"

"I refuse to say," Hux said, haughtily. 

"Well, don't worry," Snoke said, soothingly. "We'll get some meat on your bones and you'll be feeling entirely differently. Three meals a day, plus snacks - he'll recover in no time."

"That's what he needs," his father said, nodding approval. Hux looked at him, shocked. "You can't believe this. You honestly think this will work - fattening me up like prized cattle?"

"But you need fattening up!" his father glared at him. "You don't need pampering, you need common sense!"

"You can't keep me here." Hux's face was a mask of frozen fury. "You need to take me back."

"To her?" His father looked at him in disbelief. "She won't look after you!"

"She's been trying to care for me for the last two months, and all I've done is throw it back at her. She's held me at night, I've cried in her arms, she's reassured me when I tell her all I see in the mirror is 20 stone of obesity. You've taken me away from the only person that I love. Take me back."

His father got up. "When you recover." He nodded at Snoke. "Doctor."

Without another word, his father turned and left. Snoke leaned forward and smiled. "Clearly your father has plans for you. So tell me, what do you see when you look in the mirror?"

Hux glared at him. "Didn't you hear what I said?"

"Why don't you tell me?"

"All I see are rolls of fat," Hux said, his voice a monotone. "She tells me its not true, but-"

"You think she's lying," Snoke says, softly. "Don't you?"

Hux blinked. "I do wonder-"

"You think she's lying, don't you?"

"I-"

"You think she's lying, don't you?"

Hux leaned back, nodding, tears beginning to stream down his face. "Yes," he whispered, softly.

"You feel a disappointment. At night you lie next to her, wondering why you can't even feel desire. You feel a failure as a man, don't you?" Snoke's voice was edged with malice. "You wonder if she thinks you're fat, or if she really thinks you're this pathetic, scrawny creature that your father describes. Your father thinks she isn't good enough for you. If you were the man you wanted to be, would she be good enough, or would you find someone better?"

Hux couldn't speak. He felt frozen. 

"You do feel a failure, Mr Hux. You've let down everyone in your life. You think you're fat, ugly, and weak. And none of them contradict you, except her. But if she's lying to you..." Snoke paused, whilst Hux was stunned into silence. 

"Then you have no one. You've driven them all away. Time to accept that, and let us do our job. You're not leaving here."


	14. Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New realities.

You're filled with a wild, uncontrollable energy. 

It is manifesting itself by violent shaking. 

You still cannot quite comprehend what has been said. Hux...gone? Taken? 

By his father? And why? 

Something cold and ugly is moving in your stomach, and its twin is awakening in your mind. You go into the kitchen, and try and boil water, but you know that nothing is going to distract you from reality. It is with a feeling of relief that you hear the doorbell ringing - Ren and Phasma are here. 

As you open the door, you're trying to think of something to say. But the fact that Phasma immediately opens her arms and pulls you close negates the need to say anything. You let her hold you whilst you cry quietly, trying to reconcile yourself to the fact that this is actually happening. 

After a few minutes, and you have regained some composure, you all head into the lounge. As you all seat yourselves, you're waiting. Waiting for them to tell you what has happened. Ren begins. "(Y/N), we had no idea his father was planning this."

You find your voice. "What did he do?"

"He was there when we arrived this morning." Ren's voice is hollow. "Hux told him to leave, we assumed he'd just go. But he came back. He was waiting for him as we all left. Outside the building."

"And?"

"He had two....goons." Ren is visibly trying to keep his emotions in check. "Two goons with him. They grabbed him. Shoved him in a car, and that was it."

"You didn't get a chance to stop them-" you're shaking. His father planned this, you realise. Ever since they were here, he'd been planning this. You try and articulate the words. 

"I'm never going to see him again."

At this, Ren and Phasma look shocked. "No!" Phasma speaks loudly. "No, you will! Hux, for all his faults, he loves you. He won't let you be separated from him."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Will you please let me use a phone?"

The male nurse looks at Hux as he places a tray on a table, and then speaks. "The rule is, no outside contact. That means you cannot speak to anyone who is not sanctioned to contact you."

Hux looks at the slightly younger man, and his lip curls. "Including my girlfriend - whom I live with?"

"Yes." The nurse nods. "She's part of the problem, Mr Hux. Would you be ill if you were alone?"

At this, Hux's eyes widen. "You can't be suggesting she is to blame-"

"Mr Hux, I've seen patients like you who refuse to eat. Who starve themselves to get rid of the pain. Until they realise the people they surround themselves with are causing it. When you start to recover, you'll change your mindset. Now, eat." He gestured to the tray.

Hux shakes his head. "No thank you."

"Mr Hux. If you refuse we'll have to resort other measures. The choice is yours."

With the threat hanging in the air, the nurse turns and leaves.


	15. Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Low.

"Its good of you to come with me, Ren, but really I don't need-"

"Will you stop it and let me help? You're as stubborn as Hux, you two are so well suited."

At this, you pause on the bottom step that leads up to the High School. You've been trying to keep yourself together. Phasma stayed until late, then drove herself home. Ren offered to crash, and slept in the spare room. By the time you were awake - after a couple of ragged hours of tossing and turning - he'd already made coffee and was gently encouraging you to eat cereal. You appreciated his kindness. 

But now, you feel the mention of Hux's name jab at you, sharp as a needle. The realisation that someone who you live with, sleep with - is no longer there. And not only do you not know where he is, you also have no idea if you'll ever have him back. 

Ren pauses. "I'm sorry." He takes a deep breath. "Look, I'm here because I think my mother can help. She is your employer. She needs to know what's going on."

You look at him. "I thought it was incestuous as first, me working for my boyfriend's best friend's mother, but now I'm glad." You rub your face with a tired hand. "Let's get it over with."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Mr Hux, you have not eaten breakfast."

Hux looks at the female nurse, a sneer curling his lip. "No, I haven't. How observant of you to notice." He looked at the untouched tray that he had let sit there for 30 minutes. "And I'm not going to eat it now."

She looks at him. "Everything has to be reported to Dr. Snoke."

"Be my guest." 

She blinked. "Very well." Walking over, she lifted the tray, and began to leave. He was sitting on the bed, drowning in a tunic and drawstring pants, pulling his knees up. Wrapping his arms round them. 

Suddenly, a voice breaks into his thoughts. "Mr Hux."

Blinking, he turns. Snoke is standing in the doorway. "I'm beginning to think that your taciturn refusal to eat makes you one of the worst anorexics I've dealt with. It must have been hell for your poor girlfriend."

"Leave her out of this." Hux's voice has an edge, roughened by a creeping feeling of fear. "She isn't here to defend herself."

"Or reassure you?" Snoke's tone is almost mocking. "You have been draining her life, Hux. What if she wants to marry, have children? How is she going to be able to do that with a man who is underfed and weak?"

"I-"

"Your father wants you to recover. Recover, and move on. You are your father's sole heir, he wants to protect his investment."

"Investment?" Hux laughs, a sharp, bitter sound. "I'm his prized breeding stud, correct?"

"That is correct." Snoke's tone is cold. "And he wants you to breed with the right line."

At this, Hux's jaw drops slightly. He looks at Snoke. "But that means-"

"You will never see her again." Snoke's eyes are cold, although his lips are stretched into a smile. "I believe there are several eligible young ladies who would be only to happy to be with you. However, we need to fatten you up first. And whilst some would argue therapy is necessary for you to conquer your fear of food and your belief that you are obese, I'm not prepared to waste time. Instead we'll begin a programme of coerced feeding."

"But that's-"

"Necessary, Mr Hux."

"So you are just going to force feed me!" 

"Correct." Snoke is looking at him. "Anorexia is linked to a desire to control, and feelings of low self esteem. But I have no interest in finding out what fuels your low feelings of self worth, Mr Hux. Or your suspicion that the woman who loves you does not really do so. Or your fears over never being what you think people expect you to be. Or your fears of failure. This has all led you to deny yourself, and shrink. But I have very specific instructions. Fatten you up and bring you back to health."

"If you do," Hux says, coldly, "the minute I leave, it will start all over again."

"I'm sure your new wife will cope with it." Snoke raises an eyebrow. 

"My new wife?"

"Yes. As I said, your father already has several potentials. Now, do you understand what it is we're going to do?"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"This is very serious." Principal Organa sits forward at her desk, her eyes locking with yours. "For him to be abducted from his place of work, to be denied contact with you- his father could be facing jail."

"If we find him," you say, hollowly. You are not prepared to give up, but neither are you ready to be optimistic.

"We will," Ren says, and the forcefulness in his voice takes you by surprise. "He has to be in a clinic."

"That's the most likely option," Principal Organa agrees. "From what I know, he's too ill to be taken out of the country." She looks at you. "Have you any ideas at all, (y/n)?"

You shake your head. "No." 

"Then we have to start from the beginning."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"This won't hurt if you co-operate, Mr Hux." Snoke's cold voice pierces through the atmosphere as four male nurses advanced, holding Hux down. "Restrain him."

"No!" Hux shouts, his last vestiges of freedom fading away. As the restraints round his wrists and ankles are tied, he swallows. Suddenly, he feels more helpless than he ever has before. 

"The tube will be inserted through the nose, and then into the stomach. It will provide adequate nutrition to keep him alive, and then we can increase the calorific dose until weight gain begins. By my estimation, he should be at least 10lbs heavier in three weeks."

Hux blinks. The words are slicing through him like a cold blade. He turns and glares at Snoke. "I take it you don't see how fat I actually am?"

"Its all in your head, Mr Hux. Like your relationship. She's probably glad you're gone. What did you tell your father? That she tried to cook and care for you and you threw it back at her? By the time you leave her, you'll realise that she was beneath you."

Hux blinks, determined not to let tears fall in front of these animals. 

"Begin."

+++++++++++++++++++++++

You head to your classroom. Principal Organa has urged you to take a few days off, so you can begin thinking about how to find Hux. As you start taking files out of your desk, you hear a voice. "(Y/n)?"

Its Finn. You smile, tiredly. "Hey."

"Listen." Finn is in front of you, and he's not smiling. His face is uncharacteristically serious. "Hux - um-"

"He's gone," you say, tonelessly. "His father has put him somewhere, and he can't contact me." You're trying to hold back tears. "I have no idea where he is."

"Well, Poe and I - we're going to help you find him."

You look at Finn. "Really? I thought you hated him."

Finn swallows. "That doesn't matter. We're going to help you find him."

"Why?" you are feeling defensive, and need to make sure that those who you do consider friends are not working to another agenda. "I need to know why you're doing this."

"Because," Finn says solemnly, and there is nothing but sincerity in his face and voice, "its the right thing to do."


	16. Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Threats.

"How are you feeling, Mr Hux?"

Hux runs a hand over his face, and realises that dried blood is still attached to the end of his nose. He isn't sure how he should describe how he feels - nauseated, sore, and above all, frightened. He swallows, his throat feeling scratchy. 

"It doesn't matter."

"I have to report how you respond to Dr Snoke." The nurse is young, female, and seems very unsure of herself. "So, please tell me."

"How do I feel?" He turns and looks at her. "I feel as though I'm-" he stops, and his face quivers. "I feel as though I'm going to throw up."

She blinks. "Oh-"

Before she can move, he's in the ensuite bathroom, bent over the toilet. She comes in, and prepares a glass of water. As she hands it to him, he lifts his head, choking. "Thank you."

"Can I get you anything?"

Hux takes a swallow of water, then turns to her. "Well, being able to contact my girlfriend would be nice." He looks at her, his eyebrows raised. "But I suspect that's outside your remit."

She reddens. "I'm sorry, Mr Hux. Dr Snoke has forbidden all contact outside this clinic for you. I'll be back in half an hour."

Hux swallows and stretches out on the single bed, his abdominal muscles feeling sore and over stretched. He runs his hand over his stomach, convinced he can feel a soft swelling, a bulge. Closing his eyes, he tries to hold back the tears.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"I'm not sure I really need all of you, but its very good of you all to be here."

You smile at those who are in the lounge. Ren, Phasma, Finn, Rey - and Poe. All look serious, but the fact you appreciate them simply being there lightens the atmosphere. Ren speaks first. 

"Mom is convinced our best policy is to go to the police." He takes a sip of coffee. "But there are reasons why we shouldn't."

"I just don't want mine and Hux's lives made into a public spectacle." You speak firmly, and even Poe, who'd opened his mouth to argue, backs down. "I just want him back and back to...normal."

And then it hits you. It isn't normal. The way Hux is at present. But you can get through this, and so can he. 

You just need to find him. Finn speaks. "Perhaps we should start calling some of these clinics."

"Patient confidentiality," Phasma warns. 

"But we can say that he was taken under duress," you muse, "that I can-"

Suddenly, the doorbell rings. You put down your coffee cup. "Excuse me."

As you go to the door, you notice the tall, imposing shape behind the half frosted glass. As you unlatch and open the door, you come face to face with Hux's father.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Mr Hux?"

He looks up. 

"Your father has called. He says he is visiting your former girlfriend tonight, to put a settlement forward. He'll visit you tomorrow."

Hux chokes. "Former?"

"That's what he said, Sir."

"No, she can't be - I haven't ended it, she wouldn't do this to me-" 

"Calm down, Sir."

"I - calm down? Who the hell are you to tell me to calm down?!"

"Sir, we will have to sedate you."

"Go ahead."

"Then you give us no choice. Restraints!"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"And you are here because...?"

"I'm giving you a settlement agreement. You leave the house, I'll pay you over half the money you invested in it. That to me seems reasonable."

"What about Hux? What have you done with him?"

"My son is no longer your concern, or anything to do with you."

"We've been together nearly two years. Some countries would consider that almost marriage."

"I'm relieved that you never made it official. It never will be."

"Hux is ill. He needs care."

"He needs to be away from you. You do know that he told me that your body disgusts him? That you're trying to make him as fat as you are?"

"I-"

"Trust me. You're never seeing him again. I already have a couple of potentials lined up for him. You'll receive your money, then you move on. Don't ever try and contact him again."


	17. Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solidarity.

"Comfortable?"

Hux blinks, and turns his head to the side. Snoke is standing next to the bed, gazing at him. The red haired man feels his flesh crawl with hatred.

"No."

"That's the point." Snoke moves closer. "I can see that the treatment is having an effect-" he raises a hand, pointing a finger, and prods Hux's abdomen. "A little fatter there, aren't we?"

At this, Hux feels himself tense. Despite the bones of his shoulder blades and back poking into the hard bench, he feels as though he has expanded. "Maybe."

"Good!" Snoke looks pleased. "Treatment is working. You will have therapy next - one of the nurses will be here to collect you. And I warn you - do not try anything. Don't try to escape, or put up resistance. No one knows you're here."

"What about-?"

"Your father, as has been explained, is in the process of severing ties with her. You don't ever need to worry about seeing her again."

"But, I-"

"Please, Brendol. Do not start protesting you love her. She force fed you, made you weak, made you think you were too fat, warped you. Therapy will show how desperately you need to be rid of her. I'll send for you in half an hour."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Potentials?!"

"Potential wives." At this, he looks so smug, you wish you could just lash out and punch him. But you know that he will use anything as justification for keeping you away from Hux, so you try to control your emotions. "Women who will look good with him. Women he can have children with."

"Is this all its about?!" You're both exasperated, and frightened. "Children?! Do you not realise that Hux and I were thinking of having them, in a few years-"

"NO!" At this, he roars. "I am not having my son have children with you!" You swallow. He is a tall man, and also large. But you see another shape in your peripheral vision - the slightly taller frame of Ren. 

"Leave." Ren's voice is barely a whisper, but the impact is as though he's fired a gun. "Now."

Hux's father glares. "Ren. Always interfering."

"Gladly in this case." Ren's face is stone. "Please, leave."

"And I should take orders from you?" His father laughs, and you can see where the arrogance that Hux is sometimes guilty of comes from. "Why? You're nothing without my son."

"That may be the case," Ren answers, his tone dignified, "but your son is more than just a business partner - he's a friend."

"A friend?" Hux's father looks slightly disgusted. "I'm not sure Hux needs friends like you. Holding him back. All of you."

"And he does not need a father like you. Please, leave."

"If you insist." Hux's father turns towards the door, but he shoots dangerous look at Ren, then at you. "Well, understand this, and tell that interfering, overbearing mother, and deadbeat father of yours this - you are not Hux's family - I am. I will do what's best for my son. And if that includes getting rid of the garbage he's chosen to infest his life with, I will."

The last line is delivered without any hyperbole. It is a chilling threat. As he leaves, you slump, suddenly unsure of what you can do. 

You have never really thought you'd never see Hux again. Now it seems a terrifying possibility.


	18. Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Therapy is not bullying.

"WAIT!"

You blink, and your eyes widen. Ren is moving after Hux's father, not even stopping to breathe. You follow. The dark haired man has his hand on the shoulder of the older one, and is forcing him to turn and face him. 

"Tell us where he is." Ren's tone is forceful, but also calm. "Please."

"You can't threaten me," Hux's father informs him coldly, imperiously, his voice even more clipped than his son's. "He isn't coming back to her. I suggest you help her move out."

"This may come as a surprise to you," Ren said, his tone slightly colder, "but Hux turned 18 some time ago. He's an adult. You can't suddenly take control of another adult's life."

"I think you'll find I can." The older man has a smug smirk creeping across his features. "Recognise this?" He looks at you. "Oh, you're still here. Come here. Look at this."

You walk towards him, your flesh creeping with revulsion. He is holding a document. You lean forward and look at it, as does Ren. Suddenly, you're blinking in shock. "He never signed this!"

"He did," his father responds, smoothly. "Its quite amazing what an underling will do if you pay them. They gave him this, and asked for his signature - on what he thought was a shipment."

"This is a document stating he agrees with being sectioned!" Ren's eyes flash. "You deceived him -"

"You sound like a child," Hux's father responds, nonchalantly. "Your attempts to turn him against his own family-"

"I didn't need to try and turn him against him you," Ren responds, his voice staying frighteningly calm. "You managed that by yourself. My father - he was the father he never had."

"Yes - a trader with a shady past." The other man looked at him. "What a wonderful role model."

"And you?" Ren looked at him. "You get him sectioned, you threaten his girlfriend - is this how the British Upper Class really conduct their family lives?" 

"I'm brokering a deal with her," the older man snaps. He turns to you. "Start getting ready to leave. I'll see you're financially compensated."

And with that, he walks towards the waiting car, calmly getting into the back seat. You stare after him, feeling utterly crushed. As you begin to sag, you feel hands grabbing you, and concerned voices murmuring.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Well, Mr Hux, this is the first therapy session you and I will have together." Snoke is sitting in a chair, staring at the younger man. "Are you sitting comfortably?"

Hux glares at him. Although he was allowed to get up and walk to the other man's office, he still feels too weak to put up any resistance. He allowed the nurse to take his arm and lead him to the room. 

"I'll take that as a yes."

"You can take it any way you choose." Hux's voice is soft. "You know there is no need for me to be here."

"On the contrary, Mr Hux. Anorexia is an illness that requires extensive psychotherapy. Fear of food, fear of gaining weight, fear of your own appearance...fear of your girlfriend."

Hux blinks. "What?!"

"You're afraid of her." Snoke smiles as he pours water from a jug into a glass. "Here. One of the root causes of this disorder is fear and a need to control. You're scared of her, so you try and control your weight - and what you eat."

"This is ridiculous," Hux snorts, ignoring the water that is being offered. "I have a need to control, but its not because I'm afraid of her. Why would I be afraid?"

"Because you think she's trying to make you fat."

"That's not true."

"Is it? Your father showed me a photograph. Not exactly a waif, is she? Don't you think she might be trying to feed you up, make herself feel better?"

"That's-"

"Have you ever looked at her, and felt....repulsion?"

"No-"

"Ever touched her and felt that all you were feeling was fat?"

"No-"

"Be honest, Mr Hux."

"I am being honest!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I-"

"Then answer this - were the two of you sleeping together before you came here?"

"I-" Hux stops, feelings of shame threaten to overwhelm him. "No," he almost whispers.

"And why was that?"

"I- she-"

"Because you were afraid of seeing her naked, Mr Hux. You were afraid of touching the fat, feeling it. You were afraid that if you did so, it would -"

"Stop!" 

"I know this is painful, Mr Hux, but it is necessary. Once we understand what triggered your disorder - and it is clearly your girlfriend - we can start helping you with your recovery."

"My disorder is nothing to do with her!!"

"Then why aren't you sleeping with her?"

"Perhaps its because I couldn't get it up?!"

"Or maybe its because you're repulsed by the very sight of her, but that's enough for today." Snoke glanced at his watch. "Our half hour is up. Time for you to go back to your room."

Hux stood, trembling. "I don't think I need any more therapy, Snoke."

"Oh, you think you're cured?" Snoke smiled mockingly. "Then you can prove it. I'll arrange a three course meal for you tonight. If you finish it...you need not have another session."

"A three course-" Hux blinked, wordless. Snoke smiled again, blatant cruelty on his face. 

"You think you no longer need therapy. That means you can eat- correct?"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You blink. As you come round, you realise you're in bed. Rey is sitting next to you, a worried expression on her face. "Oh, you're awake!"

You nod. "What - happened?"

"You collapsed." Her voice is kind. "Which isn't surprising. But don't worry - I'm here, so is Finn. Poe is in the kitchen."

"Ren? Phasma?"

"They're at the First Order Offices. Running a trace on where that document could have come from. Ren suspects it isn't even legal - just a clever fake."

You rub your forehead. Both Ren and Rey share a family trait of dogged determination and refusal to ever concede defeat. At the moment, you are grateful for it. "What are they trying to find?"

"Ren says he saw a name on the document - apparently the name of the therapist that Hux is in the care of."

"A name?" You're now trying to sit up. "What is it?!"

"Apparently its Snoke."


	19. Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but when confronted with your worst fear...

"Mr Hux?"

Hux looked up. He was sitting on the bed, his legs drawn up to his chest, his arms encircling them. The young nurse moved into his line of sight. 

"Mr Hux?"

He blinks, realising he has to respond. "Yes?"

"Dr Snoke says we need to take you to dinner." She gestures to a wheelchair, being pushed by a male nurse. "Please?"

Hux, knowing he has no choice, gets up and sits down, mechanically. The nurses are gentle - she even tucks a blanket in round his waist and over his thighs. He feels grateful for the gentleness of her touch - the only gentleness he has received so far. 

As he is pushed out of the room, a familiar combination of nausea and fear is starting to rise. He wants to get out. He knows he has to. But the knowledge of what he has to do feels insurmountable, horrendous. As they move down the corridor, he realises a door is opening. 

Snoke is stepping into the corridor.

"Mr Hux. How good to see you. Please come in."

The male nurse - Mitaka, he thinks his name is - pushes him in. Hux realises Snoke is in a room that is relatively comfortably furnished, complete with table and chairs. And the table is set with a place mat, for one.

"Please, come and be seated."

Hux gets up and sits down, wincing slightly at the hardness of the seat under his buttocks. Snoke watches his reaction.

"No padding there, is there?"

Hux chooses to ignore this - the comment is crass, and he can't bring himself to believe that there is no flesh. He looks at what's in front of him. A bowl.

"Soup." Snoke's voice is almost soft. "Remember - you eat three courses, you're allowed to leave."

Hux feels his stomach tighten. He wants to leave, desperately - he needs to leave. But he looks at the thick, viscous, red liquid in front of him, and it looks as though it is pulsating. 

"Begin."

He picks up the spoon, and starts to dip it in the liquid.


	20. Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forced against your will.

"I suggest you eat more quickly."

Hux looks at Snoke, the spoon is still in the soup, barely moving. Snoke smiles, an almost grimace. 

"Any reason why?"

"Mr Hux. You need to eat three courses for me to consider you suitable to leave. I suggest you start to eat more...efficiently."

Hux nearly chokes at this. "Efficiently? Do you think I'm a machine?"

"You have trained yourself not to eat. You now need to re-learn. Pick up that spoon, and put it in your mouth. Now."

Hux brings the spoon to his mouth, trying not to gag at the sight of the viscous red liquid. As he places it in his mouth, he feels it sliding round, a slick, greasy feel. He chokes slightly and moves to spit it out."

"Ah ah," Snoke warns - he is suddenly beside him. "Swallow it. Now."

With a painful effort, the soup disappears down Hux's throat, leaving a burning, sticky sensation. Snoke smiles, one that is laced with venom. 

"Keep going."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"So who is Snoke?"

Ren swallows, and runs his fingers through the papers. "Allegedly a therapist, although this gives no information about where he trained. Or his qualifications." He looks at Phasma, then at you. "There's every chance he might be practising without a legitimate medical license."

"But that would-" you pause, and take a sip of water. "That would damage Hux completely. Which is exactly what his father wants. Destroy him, destroy us, and then...what? Marry him off to someone, as though he's just collateral?"

"My guess is," Ren says, choosing his words carefully, "that he's planning on trying to get Hux back under his control. They've never seen eye to eye. Hux has never been the son he really wants - the type that does as Father tells him."

"We have to find him," Phasma says, quietly. "Bring him back."

You nod. "Yes." Your eyes flicker to the documents in Ren's hands. "Let's start looking."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hux leans back, his stomach bloated and uncomfortable. The bowl is almost empty. 

"Well done." Snoke looks at Hux. "More? Of course."

Hux shakes his head. "No. Please."

Snoke leans down and prods his stomach. "Well, there is some fat on there, at least."

Hux involuntarily freezes. "I- I have-"

"Possibly put on a few ounces."

"But I-"

"Its time for the meat course."

"I can't eat anymore-"

Suddenly, Snoke is behind him, pushing his head down on the table. "What do you say?"

"I-"

"What do you say?"

"I-I-"

"You say yes."

Hux nodded, barely moving his head. "Yes."

"Good. Bring it in!"


	21. Twenty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life being ripped away.

"Meat."

Hux looks at Snoke. "No, thank you."

"Are you forgetting the deal, Mr Hux? You eat this, you get to leave. I'm sure your father will be overjoyed." Snoke smiled, coldly. "He has plans for you after you leave this facility."

"My father - has no control over my life," Hux responded, coldly. "And my plans will not necessarily mesh with his."

"Your father wants you to be married, Hux. Why is it so hard for you to understand?"

"At the moment, marriage is not a good idea."

"Even to the one who you claim is languishing for you?"

Hux blinks, shocked at how he'd been outmanuovred. He looked at the plate in front of him with distaste. "I-"

"Oh, lift the lid, start to eat," Snoke interrupted. "The more quickly you begin, the more quickly you finish."

Hux gingerly lifts the lid covering the plate, and his eyes widened. Nothing was on the plate except slices of beef. He looked at Snoke. "What?"

"You are deficient in iron, potassium, everything." Snoke was solemn. "Red meat is good for helping with these issues. Now, eat it."

Hux feels his stomach churn. "I'm - not sure I can."

"Well, you need to. Your father is keen that you become well enough to become a father yourself." Snoke's face twisted. "Anorexia can cause impotence in men - I'm sure your libido has been low, I doubt you've been intimate with the one you claim to love. In fact, you haven't. What was it you said? Maybe you couldn't get it up?!"

"Using therapy against me. Such a good tactic."

"Well, well. Hostility implies that you could not, indeed. Just remember your father expects you to start the process as soon as you are put with the one he's chosen."

Hux looks at Snoke with loathing. "I have no intention of being my father's breeding stud. And he is not going to choose for me." 

"Start eating," Snoke replied, coldly. "You may feel differently once you've finished." He looks at him, appraisingly. "You are still far too thin. Get some meat on your bones and you may find your desire returning with it."

Hux cut into the first slice. As he lifted a piece on his fork, he felt a wave of nausea. The meat was dripping, revealing its pinkness. Snoke nodded. "Very good. Now, finish it."

Hux looks at him, then puts it in his mouth. The squishy feel, combined with not having eaten red meat for some months, makes chewing a hard task. Eventually, he swallows it. As he looks at his plate, he feels a wave of despair. 

"You do realise she won't give up on me?"

Snoke sighs, loudly. 

"Of course I do. Her type never does. Finish it."


	22. Twenty Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Painful revelations

"Its amazing. No, really, this is amazing." Ren throws his pen down in annoyance, you and Phasma look over from the dining room table. 

"What is it?" Phasma's forehead is creased with concern. Ren is biting his lip, and peering at the laptop screen. "Its..."

"Yes?"

"Its Snoke is proving difficult - and I mean really difficult - to find." Ren turns from the glowing device to face you both. "You would think a guy with a clinic would be easy to discover, but he's invisible."

"Is he even a therapist?" You finally voice the thought that's been tugging at your mind, nibbling like hungry fish. "Is it possible he's a fraud, a friend of Hux's father?"

Ren looks at you. "Frankly, I wouldn't put anything past that man." He rubs his forehead. "Hux and his father do not get along, but he's the sole heir. So his father has interests to protect."

"A business deal," you mutter, looking at the files in your hand. "A breeding stud."

"That - " Ren looks pained, realising the conversation is straying into sensitive territory - "is pretty much it. Except Hux's plans for his life are broader than marrying someone his father approves of and having five sons." Ren shook his head. "Everytime my father and I argue, I keep remembering that at least he's not Brendol Hux Senior." He looks at you, wryly. "In fact, he threw that at me when I was 18. 'Be thankful I'm not Hux's father, I'd be trying to send you to the military!'"

You smile at this. Ren and his parents' relationship thrives on blunt honesty and outbursts - which are usually reconciled with hours. "Well, at least Hux stood up to him."

"He did." Ren swivels his chair and faces you. "He cut them off."

You blink. Hux has never told you this. In fact, he's mentioned that his childhood was not an idyllic one, but actually cutting his parents off? You consider your words. "What about his mother?"

"His mother was the reason he eventually got back in touch. He had no contact with them for two years." Ren's face is serious. "It was his last year at College, Mom - and for all I've ever complained that she's pushy and overbearing - Mom persuaded Hux to write to his mother." He looks at you. "She pointed out that if something happened to her, he wouldn't forgive himself. His father merely wanted an heir - his mother wanted a son."

"Well, as long as they're still speaking-"

"Things were a little fragile, I'm not sure she was too happy when he left her-"

You interrupt. "Her?"

Ren looks slightly shocked, as though he realises he's perhaps said too much. "His ex girlfriend, he left her-"

"REN!" Phasma speaks, her voice sharp. "Leave it!"

But you need to know. You look at Ren - whom you respect, and trust, and ask. "His ex? When -" you swallow, realising that you merely assumed, when you and Hux started talking in the coffee shop that day, that he was single. You had reasoned a man who was attached would not have been talking to another woman in the depth he was talking to you. 

Ren swallows. "He left her when he met you."

You blink. He never told you he was in a relationship. What else, you wonder with a sense of shock, has Hux not told you?


	23. Twenty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forced into a corner.

"You managed half."

Hux blinks, a wave of nausea rolling over him. As he looks at the drying slabs of pinkish meat on his plate, the bile rises in his throat. Snoke shakes his head at him. 

"Ah ah...no. Don't even try that. That's what we're trying to cure."

Hux swallows, feeling his throat burn as the rage swells inside him. Snoke smiles, cruelly. 

"Final course. Are you ready?"

Hux shakes his head. Snoke moves towards him. "Well, too bad. As you're being served it regardless."

The younger man blinks as Snoke lifts the silver dome from the plate. 

"Cake."

Hux glares at him. "You knew."

"That its what you had on your first date? Of course I did. Now, tell me. How did she seduce you with it? Did she offer to spoon feed you? Did she offer to feed it to you by hand? Is that what made you realise you were in danger of losing control?"

"Stop it."

"This is all part of your treatment. Remember who you were with at the time. You were living with her. You left her for this one."

"I-"

"Left her for one that's made you think you're fat and insecure. Because she projects her feelings onto you. If you had stayed with the first one, this never would have happened."

"She had nothing to do with this. I've done it to myself-"

"You really believe this?" 

Hux swallows. "I'm not eating this, you can let me go."

"Well, you do realise that when you leave, she'll be gone?"

"No she won't."

"Hux. Your father is only too happy to tell her about your ex. The fact you were living with her when you met her. The way you are abusing yourself is guilt. The only way you can solve it is to make a clean break. That's what your father is trying to do. That's what your mind is trying to tell you. Break it off and you'll start too properly recover."

"So...you'll let me go...if I agree to this?"

"Yes."

Hux blinks, trying to marshal his thoughts. "Then...I'll do it. I can't face being force fed like this. I'll - "

"You'll leave her?"

"Just let me go and do what you want."

"Of course, Hux. You've always been an obedient boy."


	24. Twenty Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Desperate decisions

"He was with someone?"

You feel dazed, shocked. Ren swallows, and sits down next to you. "I - I didn't - I assumed you knew-"

"No," you whisper, your voice gone. Phasma hurries into the kitchen. "I'll get you some water."

Ren is clearly trying to think of something constructive to say, his facial muscles twitching. "It was - he met you, he fell in love, that was it."

You look at Ren. "So why is he in this position?"

"What?"

"Hux left a relationship for me. Now he's in a clinic, god knows where, and with who knows what happening to him." You blink. "So if he was really in love...why did this happen?"

"Its not you."

"I wish I could believe that, Ren, but-"

The doorbell rings. Ren frowns, and Phasma hands you a glass of water. "Stay here, I'll answer it."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Are you ready Hux?"

"Yes." He nods. He is sitting on the bed, fully dressed. Trying not to notice his clothes, that he arrived in, fit him slightly better than when he arrived. He stands up. 

"Ready?"

"Yes."

"Excellent. Your father has arranged for you to go to a hotel. Whilst there, the staff will attend to your needs. You are not to go anywhere near her, do you understand?"

"Yes."

"You impress me, Hux. You are doing the right thing. Your father already knows someone suitable. This will guarantee your inherited fortune and your security."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Mr. Hux?" Ren stands at the door, his features twisting. "Please tell me you're here to inform us you're going to let Hux come back. To people who actually love him?"

"Love? You? I'm sure your mother would contest that, Mr Solo. Is she here?"

"Yes." You step into the hallway, resigned to this latest horror. "What is it?"

"He's leaving the clinic."

You feel a flare of hope. "And?"

"He's not coming back here. When told he could only leave the clinic if he left you, he decided to leave you. I call it fitting. You took my son from someone who was going to marry him, and now you've been left."

"I didn't know Hux was involved-"

"Well, he was. And now he's gone."

"Back...to her?"

"Maybe. Start clearing your stuff out. I want you gone from this house. I'll give you back the money you invested in it, but this is where Hux and his wife will live."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The hotel room is comfortable, but soulless. Hux swallows, aware that he is alone. 

"If you contact her, I will know." 

He checks his watch. Its half midnight, and he could still go. Swallowing, he begins to leave the room, creeping down the corridor, using the stairs. As he reaches the reception, he waits until the girl at the desk turns her back, and then leaves. 

Outside, he hails a cab.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Pressing the bell, he waits. Finally, he hear's a voice. "All right. All right."

As the door is wrenched open, he swallows, and then looks into the other man's face. 

"Poe. Good evening."

"Hux? I - just, what are you doing here?!"


	25. Twenty Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Motivations.

"So, how does this happen?" Poe looked at Hux, as he leans against the kitchen counter, his arms folding. "You talk first, I talk first?"

Hux swallows. "I'm sorry I came here, but-"

"You should be." Poe's dark eyes burn through the red head's. "Do you have any idea how much pain you've caused? How much trouble?"

"I know-"

"No, you don't." At this, Poe turns round and angrily grabs the kettle, turning on the tap as he does so. "You have been so locked up in yourself, ever since you met her, that you have no idea of her needs or what she wants. Its all about you, Hux. It always has been."

Hux stays silent as Poe's comments spray the room, like bullets. He swallows and tries to speak again. "I know I'm self absorbed -"

"Well, give the man a hand." Poe's face displays contempt as he puts the kettle onto boil. "What happened Hux? Did getting sent to boarding school and then being institutionalised in the First Order drain away any shred of humanity you might once have had? Any sense of compassion?"

"Poe-"

Poe frowns as he puts herbal tea bags in two mugs, then pours on water. Waits. Removes the bags, drops them in the bin. "Let's go and be more comfortable. I'm sorry - I think I just want to upset you." He turns and looks at the pale visage of the other man. "And - look, I need to tell you what's been going on." 

"I know you probably do," Hux comments. "I'm aware you're her friend, not mine."

"And that's why you came here, isn't it? You came here because you knew I'd help you, because I care for her."

Hux nods. "I-yes. 

Hux silently follows Poe into the small lounge. Its cozy, decorated with art prints and overstuffed furniture. Poe hands him a mug, and then begins. 

"You do know that there's a lot about your past that she doesn't know, isn't there?" Poe had his back to him, but enunciated every word clearly, sharply. "Does she know about your exes? That you were in a relationship when you met?"

"No, she doesn't-"

"Well, she does now."

"What?!" Hux stares at the other man, furious. "And how does (y/n) know about this?"

"Ren told her." Poe looks at the other man, his anger draining away when he takes in the crushed look on Hux's face. "I don't think he meant to, but she did text me."

"She texted you?"

"Don't panic." Poe can feel his hands shaking slightly. "She also told Rey and Finn. I think she needed her friends to know." He rubs his face. "In fact, Finn texted me to see if I knew."

At this, Hux sinks down slowly on a chair. "What did she say - to you?"

"Hux, look at it from her perspective. You were missing, your father was bullying her-"

"Bullying her? I- what?!"

Poe looks at Hux. "I never thought I'd say this to you, but I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." There is a steely edge to Hux's voice. "Just tell me everything."


	26. Twenty Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 months. 2 months? Apologies. New job started in September, and I have literally had no time. :(
> 
> Thank you for staying with me!
> 
> Hux opens up...to a surprising confidante.

Poe waits another minute. Hux lifts his cup and takes a sip of peppermint tea. Poe stares into his, trying to guage how much he should tell the other man - or try and pretend he knows nothing. 

But looking into Hux's eyes, with their ice cold gaze, the same that Poe knows he has hated and resented in the past, he realises he has to tell him everything. Because now he also sees something else, that he never thought he'd see in the man he's always dismissed as arrogant, cold, and obsessive. 

Desperation. 

"Your father wants (y/n) out of your life." Hux's hand visibly trembles at this, the still too pale and too thin fingers shaking. "He's apparently found someone else."

"What?" Hux's eyes widen. "Meaning?"

Poe cannot help but smile wryly. This curt response is exactly what he would expect of Hux, and he's almost thankful to see a flash of the man he's previously known resurface. "Your father has apparently found another girlfriend for you."

A familiar sneer flickers across the red-head's features. "That sounds so like him. Please continue."

Poe looks at him, head cocked, almost amused. "Nice to see you're still a charmer."

Hux scowls. "If my father is trying to destroy my relationship, and (y/n), I need to know. It doesn't matter to me if you think I'm charming or not."

Poe feels defensive. And his anger starts to flare. "What does she see in you?" he mutters, intentionally loud enough for Hux to hear. The other man responds with a glare. "Trust me, I ask myself the same question. Every minute, every hour, every day. Why is she with me? What does she see in me? What good does she see to stay with me?"

At this, Poe feels a slight surge of guilt. No, he thinks, reflectively - compassion. He, Rey and Finn have spent many hours complaining about Hux, out of earshot. Poe knows they have felt bad about betraying a friend, but this hasn't stopped them. Hux, they have all decided, is cold, arrogant, obsessive, and difficult. And controlling. 

And, Poe thinks, looking at the pale and gaunt visage, still very ill. 

And, he realises, with a jolt, deeply in love. The eyes are now downcast, and Poe swears he can see tears forming. 

"My father thinks he can control me," Hux speaks quietly, and Poe wonders if he even knows he's speaking aloud. "He's always done so. Hated me deciding I wasn't going to follow him into the military. Didn't like that I set up First Order with Ren. And he hates (y/n). He hates her. And he's never even met her."

"Until now." Poe speaks softly, as though he's talking to a distressed, and unpredictable, child. "But why does he hate her?"

"Because she's not the woman I left her for, frankly." Hux takes another sip of tea. "I met (y/n) in a coffee shop, and after she nearly spilled half her coffee down me, we started to talk. I then realised I wanted to see her again - except I was already with someone."

"Was it serious?"

Hux looks faintly ashamed. "I was living with her."

"What?"

Irritation clouds Hux's features. He looks at Poe, and nods. "I was living with her. She was a model - well, a model who also worked in Public Relations. But, it wasn't working for me. I didn't feel - very comfortable with her."

"Hux." Poe speaks sharply. "You have an eating disorder, right?"

"Yes." 

"Did she?"

"Somewhat," he admits. 

"OK," Poe is trying hard not to think of the horrendous question that is tugging at his mind. "Did she encourage you to develop yours?" 

"Well, it wasn't an eating disorder she had - more an obsession with staying thin." Hux frowns. "And I was - well, my eating habits have never been really good."

"But did you feel that (y/n) took care of you?"

Hux looks offended. "She isn't a surrogate mother for me, if that's what you're thinking."

"So why did you leave your ex?"

"Because she was boring, uptight, and I couldn't have an interesting conversation with her." Hux looks resentful. "And no, I didn't find her spectacularly attractive. I just thought that was the type of woman I should be with."

"Because its what your father thinks...?"

"Yes, exactly."

"Well, then you have a choice." Poe looks at him. "If you confront him, you may save your relationship. Prepared to do that?"

"I-" Hux looks at Poe. "I-"

The he straightens up. "Yes. I am."


	27. Twenty Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unpleasant surprises.

Its the sound of water running that wakes you. You blink, trying to wake up, and look round the room. 

Soft green walls, a pale cream duvet. You suddenly realise that you are at Ren and Phasma's, and you can no longer go home. 

The home you once shared with Hux. 

You turn over, and realise you need to get up. As you reach for your robe, you look at the two suitcases on the floor. Biting your lip, you realise you will have to go back, to clear out the rest of your belongings. 

Opening the door, you can hear sounds coming from the kitchen. You walk slowly, feeling tiredness wash over you. As you enter the kitchen, you see Ren. Black t shirt, black sweatpants, buttering toast. He smiles when you enter. "Hey there."

"Morning," you respond, and slide onto a stool at the breakfast bar, realising you're struggling to hold back tears. His behaviour is so normal - its the type of behaviour that Hux used to display. During the week, you and Hux are both too busy to really talk in the morning, but at weekends-

Your thoughts are broken by the sound of a plate and mug being placed in front of you. The mug contains coffee, with milk. The plate two slices of toast. Ren smiles. "Peanut butter or jam?"

You look at him. "I -peanut butter. Please."

"Of course." He puts a jar of smooth down and you open it. Peanut butter. Hux likes this, too. You once jokingly threatened to smear it on your chest for him to lick off. You didn't expect him to take you seriously. You unscrew the cap, and dip your knife in. 

Then you freeze. Too many memories are flooding up, threatening to overwhelm you. Ren picks up his own mug and sits opposite. "You need to eat."

You choke out a half laugh, half sob. "You're saying that to both of us."

Ren takes a sip of coffee. "I've been saying it to Hux for half the time we've known each other. When we were in college he used to go through periods of not eating. Usually prompted by his father."

You look at Ren. This is news to you. In fact, you're beginning to wonder if you ever knew Hux at all. "What?!"

"His parents came to visit him once, his father told him he was flabby." Ren looks at you. "Possibly brought on by the fact we were doing what normal sophomores do, which was going out and drinking beer most nights." 

"What happened?"

"He started running, and skipping meals." Ren looks into his mug. "Part of the problem is that the girls who were interested in him looked like models - and I think that was because of what he stands to inherit."

"Did he date much in college?"

"A few girlfriends, but nobody serious." Ren looks at you. "In fact, I don't think he was serious about anyone until he met you."

You smile. "Thanks."

"He loves you," Ren says softly. "Remember that."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"You sure you want to do this?"

Hux nods, looking at Poe, and unbuckling his seat belt. "Yes. I need to go in, see her, make sure she's all right."

Poe swallows. "You need to see your father, Hux. But-" he shakes his head, knowing that Hux won't listen. He's convinced himself that you are there, waiting for him.

He opens the door, and gets out. Adjusting his clothes, he walks towards the door, and pushes the button. He silently curses his father for confiscating his keys. You have to be there, he thinks. Have to be. 

The door opens, and he smiles. 

"Its so good to see you, I-"

His face drops. 

The woman who opens the door is face he recognises, but its not yours. She smiles at him, as though baring her teeth.

"Hux. So good to see you. We can start again, can't we?"


	28. Chapter 28

Hux feels as though he is drowning. Can hardly breathe. As he looks at her, he feels a creeping repulsion. 

"I-"

"Come in," she says, still smiling. "Come in."

"But-" his words are frozen. Suddenly, she steps aside, and he finds himself being pulled into the house.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Poe is sitting at the drivers seat, stunned. Unable to move, drive, or think.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hux looks at the large man who has pulled him into the house. "Who is...?"

"Oh, your father hired him." She smiles, and then walks into the kitchen. "He thought I might need...protection. From your ex. Apparently she might stalk me."

Hux feels a rage building inside him. "She isn't my ex. You are."

"Sure about that?" she is holding a tea bag in the tips of her fingers, her eyes large and innocent, but he can hear the venom pulsating in her voice. "I'm here - she isn't." She smirks. "Hopefully your father will deal with her."

"He'd better not!"

"Brendol-"

"Armitage."

"What?"

"I don't wish to be called Brendol anymore," he responds, haughtily. "Armitage will do perfectly well. I do not wish to be called by my father's name."

"Armitage it is then." She picks up the kettle, and pours water into the delicate china cup. Repeats. "Although, you'll have to think about the name you want on our marriage certificate."

He blinks at this, shocked. She smiles at him and offers him the cup. "I'm sorry, I'm just excited. You and me, married..."

"I left you," he says, tonelessly. "I left you. I walked away. It wasn't working anymore. It hadn't been working for months. You knew that. I knew that. I wasn't prepared to keep on living a lie."

"It wasn't a lie."

"It was," Hux says, bitterly. "It was a facade, Elena. You - were too wrapped up in modelling, I was burying myself at First Order. What were we doing? Nothing. We weren't even sleeping together." He turns and begins walking out of the kitchen. 

She raises an eyebrow. "I hope you don't think that was my fault." She picks up her own cup. "I was always ready for you. You're the one who could never get it up-"

At that, Hux stops, blood draining from his face. "You-"

"Its true." She pauses, waiting for him to turn back round. He stands, his back to her. "I remember lying next to you, stroking you, trying to get some sort of reaction...and you just lay there." She shrugs. "Can you blame me for seeing other men?"

"No," Hux almost spits out. "No, I can't. But I suppose I can't blame you for staying in the flat with me either."

"Armitage - we had a relationship. The others...it was just sex. Ren never did go with me, though. Which was a shame. He's so....tall. And so..." her eyes swept lazily over Hux's thin frame. 

_"Built"_.

At this, Hux spins and throws the cup, and its contents. It goes nowhere near her, but smashes against the wall, the fragments of china falling slowly to the floor, the liquid dripping, forming a pool. She looks at the shattered cup, then at him, with undisguised pity.

"Armitage," she says, soothingly. "Don't get upset. Its not your fault you're nothing like Ren. He's just...such a man, isn't he? Phasma is very lucky."

She walks up to him, and puts her hand on his chest. He pulls away. "Stop."

"Come on." She puts her cup down on the breakfast bar - the black marbled bar that you and he used to sit at, him with a newspaper, you with a tablet - and then lays both hands on his chest. "You- can do this."

He takes her hand, and pulls it away from his chest. "No."

"But don't you remember? Paris?"

He blinks, and feels bile rising. Paris. He'd been on business, taken her with him. Returned from a long day of meetings to find her naked in the hotel suite, only in high heels. Within five minutes, his clothes were being removed, starting with his shoes. The laces of which she'd untied with her teeth. Before using her mouth on the rest of his body. 

"I don't," he says, coldly. "Stop it."

"Yes, you do. Paris. The weekend in Rome. The trip to Brazil...standing there, 4am in the morning, before going back to bed. With that other girl as well. It was wild, Armitage. It was...exciting." She puts her hand on his face. "And what do you do with her? Come home, eat dinner - sorry, watch her eat dinner-" he flinched - "and go to bed. Has she ever undressed you with just her mouth? Ever licked the inside of your thigh? Ever made you feel - desired?"

"I don't propose to discuss -"

"I take that as a no." She's smiling now, taking a step back. "You know why you have this problem, Hux? Why your disorder flared up? Because you're bored. You're bored with her, bored with your life. You want danger. And she wasn't providing that. She's...a donkey, Armitage. Safe. Plodding. Sturdy. You're a thoroughbred - you need passion and excitement. I can give you that. She'll be fine. She'll go back to her dull worthy little job, find a dull little worthy apartment, find a dull worthy man, and stay dull and worthy for the rest of her life. And you'll laugh at her. Because you probably always were. You were probably always thinking - why am I here? Why am I with this... _lump_?"

"Stop it." He's taken a step back. "I mean it, Elena. Stop it now."

"Truth hurts, Armitage." She is now serious, her hand on his face, pulling him down. "Now, you know what you want, and you know what I want-"

leaning down, he kisses her. Hard. Forcefully. 

He feels nothing. 

Cold. 

Dead. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Lying in bed, he looks at her. Her head on his chest, and he can feel her hand, that has run down the length of his body, on his groin. 

She cooed over how thin he was. But it was, he'd noted, with a sense of pure delight. 

He swallows. If he closes his eyes, he can try and imagine he's somewhere else.


	29. Twenty Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions rise.

"Armitage?"

Hux blinked, opening his eyes. Elena was sitting next to him, running her hand over his stomach. "I brought you breakfast."

He groaned, visibly. "No, thank you."

"Armitage..." her voice held a warning. "You know what the doctor said. You need to eat, regularly."

"Snoke," Hux huffed as he sat up, trying to push his way out of the bed, "is not a doctor, Elena. He's a charlaton. A charlaton who thinks its acceptable to bully and terrorise people-"

"You don't have to be like this." She put a hand on his chest, pushing him back onto the bed. "I can cheer you up."

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Trying to seduce me." He scowled. "I don't find you, or the idea of you, sexually appealing." He looked at her. "Last night you couldn't even excite me to get it up." He shrugged. "So what does that tell you?"

"It tells me that you need time, Armitage. When you were with that fat bitch-"

At this, he lunges. His hand reached for her neck, and he clamps his fingers round it. As she tries to beat him off, he grips more tightly. His voice lowers. "Talk about her like that again..."

He sees real panic in her face. He begins to loosen his grip, removing his hand. She chokes slightly, massaging her neck.

"You're a brute, Armitage." She gets up. "I can't believe you would behave like that. You were always so-"

He grabs her shoulders, pushing her down on the bed. "So what? Controllable? Controlled, by you?!" His voice is rising to a slightly higher pitch; he can feel her push and move against him. "I don't want you here, I don't want to be here with you. Leave."

She puts her arms up and pushes him in the chest. With his slight weight, he can't fight back, and falls across the bed. She stands up. 

"I'm not leaving. Your father wants us married, me pregnant. Which is what I want - you'll be an amazing father. One who can't digest food, but still-"

Hux pushes himself up. "No chance." 

"It will happen."

"It won't." He shrugs. "Because I'm technically infertile."

Her jaw drops. "What?"

"You heard. It seems spending the best part of ten years starving and vomiting has damaged my sperm count. So chances are...I won't be able to have a child with you. With anyone. So I'd stop wasting your time." 

"You're lying to me!"

"Why would I lie?" He says, softly. "Why would I lie to someone who is also being used - by my father?" He turns away. "Elena. You don't deserve this. You don't deserve to be treated like a brood mare, especially for someone who fell out of love with you a long time ago." He smiles at her, sadly. "Just go. Find someone else. Get away from here."

"No."

"What?"

"Your father promised me money." She is smirking at him. "Half his fortune, to be exact."

"What?!"

"Yes, Armitage, your father has offered me half your inheritance." She immediately pushed him back onto the bed, straddling him. "Now," she said softly, running her fingers down his chest. "I need to fatten you up-"

Hux froze. 

"And I need to-"

Suddenly, the doorbell rings. She gets up, irritably. "Who is-" before Hux can stop her, she's walking down the hall, and wrenching open the door. 

"Look, we don't need-"

Her face clouds. 

"YOU!"


End file.
